Bush, Hu and a fucked up Interpreter

George Bush, President of the United States of America

Hu Jing Tao, President of the People’s Republic of China

Damn fucked up Singaporean Interpreter

Somewhere in the myriad of hallways and rooms in the White House, the presidents of the 2 most dynamics and influential countries the world have ever seen . . . so far, are drawn deep in an intellectual discussion with a Singaporean Interpreter by their side.Bush: First of all, please tell Mr Hu that I’m feel honoured by his visit here to the United States and that he has a very lovely wife. I sincerely hope that we could come out with a mutual beneficial pact with regards to today’s discussion.

Bush: First of all, please tell Mr Hu that I’m feel honoured by his visit here to the United States and that he has a very lovely wife. I sincerely hope that we could come out with a mutual beneficial pact with regards to today’s discussion.

Singaporean Interpreter: Mr Bush 说很谢谢你过来. 还有他说你的老婆 sibeh 正点。他还说希望今天的 meeting 双方可以 happy happy 出来。

Hu Jing Tao: 跟他说谢谢。他的女人也挺不赖。

Interpreter: He said thank you. Your wife also damn tok kong.

Bush: Ok lets get down to serious business, first on my agenda concern North Korea. I’m very concern about their nuclear development. It seems that they are hell bent on producing nuclear weapons. This has serious repercussion on both the Korean peninsula and the world at large. If Kim Jong Il decides to back out of the six nations talk or try to sabotage the summit by renouncing the nuclear non-proliferation treaty, the United States will not hesitate to use its military for the sake of maintaining the “well being” of the region. I hope China, as its closest ally can do its part as a responsible world citizen by persuading North Korea to ditch their nuclear program.

Interpreter: Nabeh so long. (turning to Hu Jing Tao) Bush 说他很担心 North Korea。他说如果 North Korea 还要 die die 弄他们的 nuclear hor, sorry hor, 他 bo pian 只好用force liao。 你身为他们的 buddy 应该好好劝他们改过自新,重新做人。叫他们丢掉他们的 nuclear weapons.

Hu: 告诉布什我可以体会他的困扰和焦虑, 可是凡是都要冷静些, 不然会误了大事。什么事情都可以事先商量。

Interpreter: Mr Hu tell you to be steady a bit. Every thing can cham siong one.

Bush: I believe more in action than in talk. I’m willing to give Kim and his regime another chance. However, if he blows it off again, he will have to face the consequences. The United States has a limit to its patience.

Interpreter: Bush 说他会给 Kim 多一次机会 but 如果他再乱搞的话, ah base to him liao.

Bush: Next on my agenda is Taiwan. I understand China is rapidly building and modernizing their military. However, to Mr Hu, I like to reiterate United States concrete commitment to Taiwan. Taiwan is a close ally of the United States and if ever any countries try to use force to invade our friend, our armed forces will be swiftly despatched to counter this aggression. We have ample nuclear weapons you know.

Interpreter: 他说 Taiwan 是他们的 brudder. 如果有谁敢对他们的 brudder 怎么样, 他两粒原子弹送给他们 wor.

Hu: 他想吓我吗? 跟他说我是从小被吓大的! 想吓我, 门都没有. 原子弹? 我们中国多到可以当球踢!

Interpreter: Hu said he from small scared big one. You want to scare him, door also don’t have understand. Atomic bomb? He said they have so many, they use it as footballs wor.

Bush: Whatever. But tell him in the event of a war, the United States will not hesitate to stick it through to the very end to protect our friends, even at our own expense.

Interpreter: Bush 说随便 lah. But if 打起战 的话, 他们会 tong 到底.

Bush: I also understand that the Chinese authority has unlawfully detained 2 American journalists since last year citing that both posed a security threat to the country. I want Mr Hu to explain on what ground were they being detain for. Frankly speaking, this incident says alot about the dire plight of human rights in China, which is clearly a shame and a disappointment. China’s behaviour in this case are in my opinion, no different from thugs.

Interpreter: Bush 说你们很 kuai lan. 去年敢敢把两个美国记者抓了起来。 他很不爽, 你们凭什么抓他们。你们跟 sumseng 有什么不同?跟 monkey 有什么不同? 你们简直就是畜生嘛! Kaninnah.

Hu: 哈哈哈….他想跟我谈人权? 真是可笑。美国就是这样, 喜欢说一套做一套。请问是哪一个国家在这几年内开了最多次战争? 想跟我谈人权? 我呸!!!

Interpreter: Hu Jing Tao say America damn cheebye one leh. Always like to say one thing then do another. You want to talk about human rights? KA PUI understand!

Bush: I have no wish to start an argument with him now but the United States will try everything within its rights to try to secure the release of the 2 journalists. I hope he understand that.

Interpreter: (to Hu) 他不想跟你吵, but 他会想办法 try to 把两个记者弄出来。

Bush: Ok, last on my agenda today concern the pegging of their currency to ours. They have pegged their currency way too low. This has resulted in cheap chinese good flooding our markets at the expense of our own manufacturers. This has to stop. I strongly demand that China revalue their currency otherwise, we might have to take drastic action against them for the sake of protecting our own enterprises and industries.

Interpreter: Ok, 他 roughly 是这样讲的 lah。他很buay song。你们的 currency 真的是 peg 得太低 liao, 影响到他们自己的 industries. 如果你们不 adjust 你们的 currency 的话, 他们 bo pian, 只好 take action liao.

Hu: 很抱歉。关于这个问题我很难答应他的要求。

Interpreter: He said sorry. No talk.

At this moment, Dick Cheney happens to enter the room. Hu Jing Tao is momentarily dazed by the sight of Dick Cheney. As Dick leaves, he turns and gives a naughty wink to Hu Jing Tao. A leering smile gradually appears on Hu Jing Tao’s face.

Bush: Ok, I might be interpreting this wrongly. But if Mr Hu is willing to give my currency proposition another thought, maybe . . . just maybe I could arrange for my Vice president to pass by his room tonight.

Interpreter: Kaninnah sibeh gross. (turning to Hu) Ok Mr Hu, Bush 说如果您肯再考虑他的 proposition 的话, 刚才那个老鬼今晚让你上。

Hu: 是真的吗?

Interpreter: (To Bush) sure bor?

Bush: Yeah sure sure.

Hu is stroking his chin and smiling sheepishly to himself.

Hu: Hmm… 可以考虑, 不过有一个条件。他必须今晚穿成这样来见我。

Interpreter: Wah kao! Hu 先生, 你他妈的 sibeh kinky hor. (to Bush) The perv say can consider. But old man must wear like this to his room tonight.

Bush: O…kay. Consider it done. As a measure of goodwill, I will throw in a pair of handcuffs as well.

Interpreter: (snickering) Wah Hu 先生, 你这个老变态, 你很 lucky leh. Bush 答应你的要求。他还刻意 add 了一双手铐送给你, 好让你和 Mr Cheney 可以玩到爽。

Hu: Thank you Mr Bush.

Interpreter: Wah Kao, Hu 先生, 他只不过送你一双手铐你就开始讲 English liao ah. 如果他送你一个 vibrator 的话, 你不是马上会讲 Tamil liao。你真的是个老 cheebye.

Hu: 都不知道你在说些什么?

Bush: Ok Mr Hu, with that I like to conclude today discussion. It has been quite fruitful. (to interpreter) Please ask him whether he agree with me that you are a damn fucked up interpreter.

Without the need of the interpreter, Hu Jing Tao nods his head vigorously.

Interpreter: Both of you are really kanninah chao cheebye.