Cleo’s 50 Most Eligible Bachelors (The Kana Sai Edition)

September 23, 2005 at 4:50 am 47 comments

Name: Agugu Mutomobi
Age: 25
Nationality: Nigerian
Occupation: Fucked up S-League football player


How long have you been in Singapore?
3 fucking years

What made you decides to come to Singapore?
Civil war and famine at home.

Which part of your body are you most proud of?
My cock.

Whoa ho. Steady lah brudder. Why?
Because it’s damn long! Duh.

Which part of your body do you most want to change then?
My cock.

Again? Why?
I want it to be longer! Duh.

Very greedy. What about your favourite colour?
White. It has been my dream since childhood.

Criterias you look for in a woman.
Must be white. As white as Nicole Kidman.

Favourite Singaporean food?
All the food here sucks!

Favourite phrase?
Agugu ain’t taking no shit from anyone! Ya hear me!?

Boxers or briefs?
Briefs. XXXL.

Sibeh show-off. Describe yourself in 3 words.
Mine’s the longest!



Name: Lu Xiang
Age: 30
Nationality: Chinese
Occupation: Foreign Talent


Which part of China were you from?
Guangdong

You must be damn good in table-tennis.
Eh no.

Then you must be damn good in badminton.
Eh . . also no.

Then what the fuck are you doing here in Singapore?
I’m actually a teacher.

Ooooooo. A teacher sia.
Right. I’m actually teaching Chinese at one of the primary schools here.

Favourite phrase?
同学们早. Hahaha

Are you trying to crack a joke?
Eh . . . yes. Why?

Don’t do that again. Your joke is painful to hear.
Eh . . . ok

Boxers or briefs?
I don’t think it’s nice to answer such question.

Boxers or briefs?
Eh . . . I don’t feel comfortable answering it.

Boxers or briefs?
Eh . . .

BOXERS OR BRIEFS?
Eh . . .Briefs

Criterias you look for in a woman?
All the qualities that can be found in my wife.

Wife?
Yah. My wife?

You are married!?
Eh . . . yes

Cheebye lah. Waste my time.



Name: NUS guy
Age: 23
Nationality: Singaporean
Occupation: Full time undergraduate


Favourite past time?
IRC. Can make friends with a lot of xiao mei mei.

What do you think is your main weakness?
I think I’m too fucking handsome liao although no fault of mine. Have to reject a lot of girls.

Sure bor?
Of course lah asshole. Do you know that whenever I entered a room, all the clitoris in the room will twitch like siao. Sigh. Women, have some self restraint lah.

Favourite phrase?
Intro pl.

Boxers or briefs?
Crocodile with double elastic bands. It’s my favourite brand and offer ample support.

Ample meh?
What did you say?

Never mind. Criterias you look for in a woman?
Sweet and cute and must take good care of me.

Describe yourself in 3 words
Suave, sexy, sophisicated

Ever watched Fear Factor?
Of course not lah. Fucking stupid show. You see all those fucking morons doing fucking stupid things on the show. Absolutely moronic I tell you. You won’t ever find me going there as a contestant, not even for a million dollars.

Don’t have to. You are the “Fear Factor”
Nabeh cheebye!



Name: Valentine Marcello
Age: 25
Nationality: American
Occupation: Foreign Talent


So Valentine, whose Singaporean’s ricebowl have you snatched lately?
Pardon?

Nothing. How long have you been in Singapore?
About a year now.

What makes you decides to come to Singapore?
My mates told me the women here are easy. You can pretty much score a few “homeruns” every week effortlessly, if you know what I mean. Hur hur.

What’s your view on the Singapore male in general?
Pathetic. A bunch of sorry wimps. I can’t imagine how much they can whine day in day out. No wonder your birth rate are plummeting. I say, take a back seat you bunch of sorry ass and let big daddy takes over the duty of populating this country.

Ouch. Surely there must be some redeeming factor from us?
Sure. Your redeeming factor is that you lot suck so much, all your women come frolicking to us instead. Hur hur.

You see the dustbin by the corner?
Ya why?

Ever got shove by something that large up your ass?
Never. Eh . . . why do you ask?

Relax dude, just asking. Boxers or briefs?
Depends on whether I’m getting any “action” that day. Hur Hur.

Criterias you look for in a woman?
A pair of big titillating peaks and a rear so fine and inviting that make mounting it so much pleasurable. Hur hur hur.

Describe yourself in 3 words.
Spectacular in bed.



Name:
Ah Heng
Age: 38
Nationality: Singaporean
Occupation: Branch leader of Geylang 361


What is Geylang 361?
It’s a gang lah cheebye!

Can you clarify? Is it a gang or a cheebye? I’m getting confused.
Nabeh, trying to be funny is it!?

Just joking lah. Favourite colour?
Ang lah.

Favourite phrase?
Kwa simi lan

Boxers or briefs?
Simi brief? Simi boxer? Underwear say underwear lah. Kanninabeh.

Describe yourself in 3 words.
Simi?

Describe yourself in 3 words

Are you ok? Do you need an aspirin?

It’s ok if you decide to skip this question.
Thank U

You are welcome. By the way, do you see that Ang Moh over there? He just called you a wimp.
Nabeh phua cheebye!!!

Go make Geylang 361 proud. You Da Man!

(P.s: if you think Cheeky is actually going to write 50 bachelors, you must be mad. Where got time)

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Bush, Hu and a fucked up Interpreter Please do not confuse Cheeky with other people

47 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Anonymous  |  September 23, 2005 at 8:50 am

    i’m the number 2 poster in your previous entry. now i number 1!!! this one is then what i call VERRYY GOOD!!!!

    Reply
  • 2. Nightfroze  |  September 23, 2005 at 8:53 am

    This post has been removed by the author.

    Reply
  • 3. Ra  |  September 23, 2005 at 9:22 am

    Cool! Write about women!

    Reply
  • 4. ahhhlong  |  September 23, 2005 at 9:37 am

    write 50 leh :)

    Reply
  • 5. cemel  |  September 23, 2005 at 9:49 am

    Yah lohh..write 50 leh..hehe..
    Please please please please please..Ahh. CRAP. I know you are busy, it’s okay.

    Reply
  • 6. Cherub  |  September 23, 2005 at 10:04 am

    yah lor…i think women more interesting lah…haha

    sure would love to see a few ahlians writeups here

    Reply
  • 7. Anonymous  |  September 23, 2005 at 10:37 am

    write more lah. don’t be so stingy. haha.

    Reply
  • 8. CK  |  September 23, 2005 at 10:45 am

    Best i have seen so far… really make me laugh throughout the day

    Reply
  • 9. frenie  |  September 23, 2005 at 11:42 am

    woah. I jus love bachelors. Specially paikias one.

    Reply
  • 10. YounG  |  September 23, 2005 at 11:50 am

    Whoooooooo….New post huh…

    Must tag must tag…..

    Write about urself lah…

    Reply
  • 11. winter  |  September 23, 2005 at 6:53 pm

    this is a faster post than previously.

    are you one of the bachelors?? hahaha..

    i love paikia type of bachelors..

    NICE!!

    Reply
  • 12. sanny  |  September 23, 2005 at 8:55 pm

    This post has been removed by the author.

    Reply
  • 13. constanthing  |  September 23, 2005 at 10:01 pm

    hahaha, u very cheeky indeed. enjoyed ur blog!

    Reply
  • 14. KingMeng  |  September 23, 2005 at 10:16 pm

    Wah! “Interview by a Paikia!” :D

    Reply
  • 15. Anonymous  |  September 24, 2005 at 2:49 am

    your blogging style reminds me of Rockson

    Reply
  • 16. shiningject  |  September 24, 2005 at 9:06 am

    eh y din u include the mee pok seller in?

    Reply
  • 17. AK47  |  September 24, 2005 at 6:12 pm

    Cheebye, why neber feature a kekleng kia ? You racist issit ?

    Reply
  • 18. Dr BL Og  |  September 24, 2005 at 6:15 pm

    solid lah.

    Reply
  • 19. Ruok  |  September 24, 2005 at 6:49 pm

    bravo bravo :D

    Reply
  • 20. Beng  |  September 24, 2005 at 7:47 pm

    So true about that American piece…

    Reply
  • 21. gaston  |  September 24, 2005 at 7:52 pm

    This post has been removed by the author.

    Reply
  • 22. CG  |  September 24, 2005 at 7:52 pm

    Hey!!
    I know Ah Heng!!
    He works for Paikia too!
    please la..there are better looking and more eligible bachelors lor,why him????

    Reply
  • 23. GhOsT  |  September 24, 2005 at 8:40 pm

    Cool man!

    Reply
  • 24. Fion  |  September 25, 2005 at 12:59 am

    Yr damn hilarious!!! Very interesting blog u hv here. U shld be a scriptwriter. Way to go dude~

    Reply
  • 25. ah fatt's fan  |  September 25, 2005 at 5:55 pm

    How could you have left out Ah Fatt from your list??????!!!!

    Reply
  • 26. moomooman  |  September 26, 2005 at 8:42 am

    Nabeh…. you never failed to amuse me.

    Reply
  • 27. LaDyReD  |  September 26, 2005 at 5:47 pm

    chow PK.. Ah heng is your henchman right!

    Reply
  • 28. nadnut  |  September 26, 2005 at 6:28 pm

    lol! imagine if these men were de last men on earth!

    *gags and dies*

    Reply
  • 29. Pandora  |  September 26, 2005 at 7:28 pm

    cheeky, most of your postings are hilarious but not this one – you must know this is not funny. It’s ok to take a week off you know.

    Reply
  • 30. Anonymous  |  September 27, 2005 at 2:21 am

    http://clubberslounge.proboards31.com/index.cgi – its a nice forum. hope you can join (:

    Reply
  • 31. a crunchy green apple  |  September 27, 2005 at 7:36 am

    This post has been removed by the author.

    Reply
  • 32. a crunchy green apple  |  September 27, 2005 at 7:37 am

    This entry made me laugh, shake my head at exasperation and waggle my finger at you in the motherly way at the same time.

    A little naughty but then Cheeky is all harmless, good and witty tongue-in-cheek fun, so who cares. Your rock! :)

    Reply
  • 33. your little lady  |  September 27, 2005 at 8:21 pm

    Love it. :)

    Reply
  • 34. Mark  |  September 27, 2005 at 8:34 pm

    Loved your post, especially the American one (maybe b/c I am one also)…. Got your site from a friend.

    Reply
  • 35. Mark  |  September 29, 2005 at 11:52 pm

    haha! pretty darn funny.

    can’t wait to read one on eligible females. here’s a couple to get you started:

    1. chow ah lian. 21. terror of toh payoh. looking for ah beng boy who knows how to spit and throw cans of beer on the floor.

    2. jalerie goh (or some other strange made up christian name that begins with ‘j’). 32. looking for white man. dont matter how they look. just gotta be white.

    3. christine tan. 55. single, never married. very powderful senior executive of MNC in singapore. looking for a man to employ and turn into cash generating wage slave.

    Reply
  • 36. Anonymous  |  October 1, 2005 at 9:32 pm

    BORING!

    Reply
  • 37. sunshin3  |  October 1, 2005 at 10:43 pm

    Lol.. Very original.. Keep it up..

    Reply
  • 38. Claris  |  October 4, 2005 at 7:58 am

    tok gong ah!

    hw abt eligible spinster?

    Reply
  • 39. Mat Rai, Lazy Guy  |  October 17, 2005 at 7:36 am

    hey! please update!

    Reply
  • 40. egoistic92  |  October 21, 2005 at 9:13 am

    cheeky!!u damn cute niax!i read ur blog hor…from sad sad cn bcome happi happi derrhx!!lol…tQ o!

    Reply
  • 41. stickgirl  |  October 24, 2005 at 9:31 am

    HAhaha.. I needed a good laugh. Thanks!

    Reply
  • 42. Anonymous  |  October 26, 2005 at 2:21 am

    When’s the next entry? I have been waiting for so long..im dying for yr entry..haha

    Reply
  • 43. Anonymous  |  October 26, 2005 at 4:15 am

    wah lau. update leh. check everytime still see the fucked up nigerian face.

    Reply
  • 44. Still Waiting  |  November 1, 2005 at 3:59 am

    hey cheeky, miss ur posts….hope u’re still blogging

    Reply
  • 45. OoMiAkAoO  |  November 4, 2005 at 12:35 am

    Haha. I came across this site and find this totally funny! Keep this up ok? HAHA!!!! I linked ya up in my blog. LOL. Gonna share my laughter with all my other friends. :D

    Reply
  • 46. Anonymous  |  November 4, 2005 at 3:34 am

    Eh cheeky…Can update or not…we all damn sian liao…I’ve been checking ur blog for the past 5 or more weeks and fucking agugu keeps appearing…damn irritating sia
    Pls la ?

    Reply
  • 47. sunshin3  |  November 4, 2005 at 4:02 am

    write about the party!!! =P

    Reply

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