The Art of Cussing

August 29, 2005 at 6:00 am 26 comments

Lately some ang moh friends of cheeky has been pestering him to teach and enlighten them on the correct usage of local obscenities. Dear ang moh friends, you found the right person. Cheeky don’t profess to be an expert but he does possesses the bare necessities like all Singaporeans to spew a mean expletives laden sentence with the slight twirl of his tongue as and when the occasion calls for it. So all you chao ang mohs, shut up, slouch back (like you always do) and try to take in what cheeky is about to teach you.

If you are observant enough, you will find out that the swear words use in the local context consist of the same few terms. Cheeky will just try to point out a few to you, the rest are more or less the same.

1) Hong Kan
Means “ Want to get fuck is it!?” Commonly use when one is frustrated or things seem to be not going your way.

Eg. (To the taxi driver) Hong Kan lah! I tell you to go by PIE not SLE lah!

2) Lan Chiao
Means “penis”. Usually use as an ‘appetiser’ prior to the ‘main course’.

Eg. My $500 still haven’t return, you dare to borrow more money from me! Lan Chiao understand!

3) Cheebye
The mother of all obscenities. The local equivalent of “cunt”. Widely used and highly favoured by Singaporean of all ages, genders, races and religions. Can be used as a noun or an adjective. Sibeh versatile.

Eg. (noun). Hey Cheebye, you want a piece of me?
Eg, (adjective). Hey you cheebye bastard, you want a piece of me?

Cheebye can also be used in tandem with words like “Chao”, “Kanninabu” and “Ni Nabeh” (just to list a few) to deliver a more devastating punch.

Eg. Kanninabu Chao Cheebye
Ni Nabeh Cheebye

Once you are acquainted and familiarise with these local expletives, don’t be a smug ass and go around spewing them. Cussing is an art form and different kinds of people deserve different kinds of expletives. So before you start spitting out your “cheebyes” and “nabehs”, it would be wise to take a look at your intended victim.

For instance, imagine you are waiting for the train during peak hour. The train arrive, the doors open and as you step in, some god damn fucker deliberately elbow you in the face just to grab that last elusive seat. By then, you must be simmering with rage and are about to spew out your favourite expletives. Don’t! Take a moment first to suss out who the fucker is before proceeding further with the appropriate swearing.

Example:

If the fucker resemble someone like her, a simple “Ni Nabeh” will do. Your intention is to cuss, I say again, to cuss, not trigger a heart attack.



No need to give face. But she’s a lady after all, so a “Ni Nabeh Cheebye” will be sufficient enough to unsettle her and cause her to think twice about pissing you off.



Brudders and sista, magazine of infinity rounds load and ready. Skinny and vulnerable looking scumbag like him deserve nothing but the best that local obscenities can offer. KANNINABU LAOPEH LAN CHIAO CHAO CHEEBYE understand!



Say sorry and proceed to wipe the seat clean for him to sit, after that just fuck off.

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Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

A typical memo for the President on a typical day Bush, Hu and a fucked up Interpreter

26 Comments Add your own

  • 1. KwokSiong  |  August 30, 2005 at 6:53 am

    absolutely funny!

    Reply
  • 2. klang  |  August 30, 2005 at 7:57 am

    now… this is classic.

    Reply
  • 3. zhi yang  |  August 30, 2005 at 9:42 am

    i thank cheeky for this very useful information

    Reply
  • 4. ah fatt's fan  |  August 30, 2005 at 5:57 pm

    tiew lah seng………….

    Reply
  • 5. áh çhüÄñ  |  August 30, 2005 at 7:02 pm

    knnb sibeh fucking funny! :D

    Reply
  • 6. juanie  |  August 30, 2005 at 9:24 pm

    LOL..classic man…

    Reply
  • 7. Anonymous  |  August 31, 2005 at 5:41 am

    nabeh!?

    Reply
  • 8. Ah 9  |  August 31, 2005 at 12:11 pm

    cheeeeeeeebyeeeeeeeeee…..

    Reply
  • 9. Lexandria  |  August 31, 2005 at 12:38 pm

    what if you are the 3rd guy? do you even say anything at all? what will be the most appropriate words?

    i fwink u forgotten one more that adds in with the cheebye.

    “phua”

    :X

    Reply
  • 10. Lexus  |  September 1, 2005 at 1:09 am

    how about cantonese =)

    Reply
  • 11. becca  |  September 1, 2005 at 7:37 pm

    hahaha! love it! esp the old woman pic!

    Reply
  • 12. curious george  |  September 3, 2005 at 4:04 am

    not lan jiao meh????
    LOL

    Reply
  • 13. Blomqvist,Jesper™  |  September 4, 2005 at 9:36 pm

    hmm cheeky not bad at all,sure you know about Talkingcock.com right? lol maybe you could have gone in and be enlightened more about the wonders of using TIU language…

    Reply
  • 14. Anonymous  |  September 8, 2005 at 3:21 am

    Nana! that’s a good one.

    Reply
  • 15. Teddy  |  September 9, 2005 at 7:34 pm

    got rockson supporter slam that guy who complain to ST. Bengue Fever

    Reply
  • 16. Ang Ku Kueh  |  September 9, 2005 at 7:58 pm

    *kowtow*

    Reply
  • 17. Venitha  |  September 11, 2005 at 7:14 am

    Too funny! Thanks for this very useful info – can’t wait to put my newfound knowledge to use. =)

    Reply
  • 18. Mark  |  September 12, 2005 at 8:49 am

    Wah Lan EhhHhh.

    Nex time you get ur ang moh lang teach you some ploper ang moh cuss word.

    Reply
  • 19. Sexychild  |  September 12, 2005 at 11:07 pm

    WoW u CUSS (curse) pretty well indeed.

    Reply
  • 20. JanK  |  September 13, 2005 at 12:23 am

    hahahaha! gd one. had me tickled! haha…

    xoxo Jank

    Reply
  • 21. Anonymous  |  September 16, 2005 at 2:20 am

    CheeeeeeeeeeBYeeeeeeeeeeeeee

    You should have Tagboard man………

    Reply
  • 22. Anonymous  |  September 19, 2005 at 5:16 pm

    ya, cheeky should have a tagboard, we can test out if it censored vulgarities.. hurhur..

    ^5 Anonymous(whoever u are)

    Reply
  • 23. Anonymous  |  September 21, 2005 at 7:36 am

    i think u shouldnt put the old woman picture inside. imagine in the future someone puts a picture of u in some kind of joke web site and say sth bad abt it or sth… how would u feel? and i think this blog should be banned… all those vulgarities somehow are going too overboard

    Reply
  • 24. Anonymous  |  October 17, 2005 at 10:23 pm

    Wah lan a…this is damn funny lah…keep it up man!!

    Reply
  • 25. Anonymous  |  November 22, 2005 at 9:52 pm

    “i think u shouldnt put the old woman picture inside. imagine in the future someone puts a picture of u in some kind of joke web site and say sth bad abt it or sth… how would u feel? and i think this blog should be banned… all those vulgarities somehow are going too overboard” Oi you shut up lar this is entertainment.

    Reply
  • 26. putitthisway  |  December 30, 2005 at 9:22 pm

    narbeh… gan si lang funny

    Reply

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