Lian Huay and Her Babblings

January 24, 2007 at 2:20 pm 9 comments

lian-huay.jpg

Lately alot of my colleague have been bringing their kids to the office. Dun know when this trend started but the strange thing I noticed is most of these kids are chap zeng. Neh just yesterday, Rachel Lim brought her 5 years old chap zeng daughter to show off in the office and parade her around two times. One for opening and one for ending.
One thing about her daughter is that she really takes after the mother very very well. She straight away siam all the brown black and yellow and go directly to manja with the whites even though all the whities give a loud moan when they see her come a running. But still a lot of the auntie colleagues kept praising her saying “wah so pretty leh, so cute leh” and Rachel pretend pretend said “no lah where got pretty. Very ugly lah haha.” Wah piang modest until so fake. If not pretty you think she dare to bring her into the office meh.
Actually cannot blame them, if my kids are chap zeng, I also bring them to the office to show off. But the zeng must be chap correctly first lah. Chinese + mat cannot. Chinese + africa also cannot. Chinese + blanga lagi obviously cannot lah. In fact anything asia +asia cannot becos asia + asia still asia wat, wat so special. No. Must be chinese + ang moh. Ang moh ugly never mind, becos somehow the kid they produce one way or another will look like baby Jin Chen Wu but with blond hair and blue eyes.

Some of my colleague after marrying an ang moh start to change in attitude, the way they speak also change. It’s like they change into another person loh. With more class and more powderful English. Like the last time I very good friend with this colleague of mine Samantha Poh. We were very good jie mei wan. We always go for lunch together and talk about channel 8 drama serial but hor after she mary one ang moh, she become another person. Her name suddenly change to Samantha Veronica Richardson. Richardson is her husband surname. Veronica? Dun know. Maybe her pet name for her cheebye? Hey hello, maybe really leh haha. She also suddenly speak with an accent liao. You imagine, 20 over years habit of speaking can disappear just by marrying an ang moh. Now when she talk to people she use “darling” a lot as in “Ooooo darling, could you be so kind as to bring me that file?” “Oooo darling would you mind if I cut in?”. Last time she will just say “Siam ah!”
I remember I was talking to her once about Jin Jin in one episode and instead of responding, she just stared at me with a sotong look and ask “who’s Jin Jin?” Who’s JIN JIN? Haha, who’s Jin Jin indeed. JIN JIN, her all time favourite person in Holland V that’s who and she still ask me who’s JIN JIN? Can you believe that bitch. And instead of eating zhi char now, she eat at spinelli every day. Instead of channel 8, it’s now Art Central. Instead of NTUC, now is Mark and Spencer. Instead of Laurier Fresh N Dry . . . eh I think it’s still Laurier Fresh N Dry hur hur. Anyway what I want to say is now cannot connect with her alreadi. She also dumping all her old khakis and getting herself new set of friends loh. All have 3 x names. Wendy Carrison Tan from HR, Joyce Elizabeth Chua from Marketing, Margaret Carolyn Ang from PR and the ultimate one, Candice Uma Nathania Tay from ad sales. Haha, dun know whether to call her Candice, Uma or just C.U.N.T.

I told my Ah Bu maybe one day I should marry an ang moh also, have chap zeng children and give myself 3 names. My Ah Bu look at me and say,” Lian Huay, our lives have been set from the moment we were born. Your Ah Bu me was born to be a hawker. You were born to be a good for nothing. Never pretend to be something you are not. You are what you are.” My Ah Bu, sometimes dun know whether to kiss her or to kill her.

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Crossroad ( An Apple or a Creative?) Lian Huay and Her Babblings

9 Comments Add your own

  • 1. moomooman  |  January 25, 2007 at 4:16 pm

    my god… I hope this Rachel Lim of yours is a fictional name and no real names are used in your post.

    I know one Rachel Lim with the exact same description.

    It’s either a mere coincidence that all Rachel Lims in the world like ang moh or…..

    Reply
  • 2. dave  |  January 26, 2007 at 4:35 pm

    the cunt thing was kickass man.
    had me in stitches.
    you’re dah’bomb.

    Reply
  • 3. cheeky  |  January 27, 2007 at 3:45 am

    cowdunk: The important question is your Rachael chio or not? My Rachael damn chio ok.
    dave: serious hah. thank u leh

    Reply
  • 4. esther  |  January 27, 2007 at 11:13 am

    hehe! loved your post! had me in stitches! :D

    Reply
  • 5. moomooman  |  January 27, 2007 at 5:08 pm

    Ok… different rachel.

    Who is lian huay? The fact that her name has both LIAN and HUAY turns me on.

    Reply
  • 6. naeboo  |  January 29, 2007 at 12:03 am

    omfg.

    my office also got this cibai fugly SPG with mooncake face speak with powderful english. but never grew up in angmoh country got fake angmo deep accent. but her name is still meiling lar.

    diuuu so disgusting when shes parading her kid ard in the office messing up everything. bah

    Reply
  • 7. naeboo  |  January 29, 2007 at 12:05 am

    actually got a few speaking like that but so far only one parading ard with her chap zheng kid. another chap zheng on the way for her soon too. i think the others juz too dried up to produce kids. if not, the office will become like zoo!! full of chap zhengs running ard like mad

    Reply
  • 8. cheeky  |  January 29, 2007 at 3:36 pm

    ester: haha tk u tk leh
    Mooman: u weak lah. lain a bit huay a bit start to steam
    naeboo: nice of you to have such colleague

    Reply
  • 9. Sibeh Sian  |  January 31, 2007 at 2:26 am

    If you must know, I’m also chap zeng :D! Half Hokkien, half Hainanese :)

    Reply

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