Encik Tan has something to say

November 22, 2005 at 8:28 pm 45 comments


Lim peh is fucking angry right now. Do you know why Lim Peh is fucking angry. Because of this guy call Melvyn Tan. This fucker, according to the newspaper, defaulted on his NS and he was only punished with a fine. A fine. Can you believe it? Just a fucking fine. Back in my time, when you want to try to play with the system, you better standby one big tub of jello 5-O to lubricate your ass because when the system fuck you up, it really fuck you up real hard. Dun play play eh.

To tell you the truth, our armed forces are really getting softer and softer each year. No kidding. That’s why asshole like Melvyn Tan can get away so lightly. You just have to take a look at our batch of recruits each year. A bunch of sissy I tell you. The number of chao keng recruits keep increasing every year. I remember one year when I was the CSM of a Pes C platoon during BMT. Can vomit blood eh I tell you. A Pes C platoon if you dun know consists of all the chao keng recruits with all sorts of fucking medical problems, mostly exaggerated thanks to the specialists they were paying. By military law, these fuckers cannot be tekan, otherwise Lim Peh has to go DB. These fuckers, tell them do something can come up with a lot of fucking excuses. I remember one instance when I ordered one recruit from this platoon to drop me 10. The faggot looked at me and said, “Sorry Encik, but I excused hand.” So I said neber mind and ordered the faggot recruit to run and touch a tree and come back. The faggot recruit looked at me again and said, “Sorry Encik, but I also excused legs.” Kanninah, so I asked him got excuse mouth or not. He said no. So I ordered him to open his fucking mouth and give me a blow job. Then you know what he did? The fucker immediately drop 50 for me, no question ask. Talk about chao keng.

Nowadays I tell you, the army is being slowly taken over by all these scholars from famous overseas university. Cambridge lah, Harvard lah. One thing I hate about these scholars is they a lot of patterns, talk a lot of cock but no substance one. They even dare to talk back – but only to non commissioned officers like me lah. The fucking brains from HQ even come up with this lan jiao idea to have a scholar platoon for every batch during BMT. They said must group all our smartiest brain in one platoon and nurture them to be SAF future leaders. Future leaders? Lan Jiao understand. More like monkeys I tell you. Did you see the way some of these scholars did their push-ups. Sibeh gu niang siah. Got one time, I saw this officer cadet who is also a president scholar doing his push-ups in the training shed. I walked up to him and told him to apologise to the floor. The fucker looked at me with a blur look and ask me why. So I smiled and asked him if his girlfriend was kena fuck by somebody for no fucking reason, will he get angry and demand an apology. The fucker said yes he will and he will also beat the crap out of the guy. Then I asked him in that case shouldn’t he say sorry to the floor too because he was also fucking it for no apparent reason. The fucking scholar eyes big big stared at me and face turned red. I see already also no mood to eat. I remember another instance when I ordered this scholar recruit to run and touch a tree. Don’t ask me why, but SAF like to ask recruits to run and touch a tree. It’s a tradition. Anyway, this fucker asked me why. So I said because I fucking said so. Then this fucker cocked his head and asked ” Why? What purpose does it serve if I run and touch a tree?” Lan jiao understand. Dare to question my authority. So I told him running and touching the tree serve the same purpose as scratching my balls. Because it make me feel shiok can? But the fucker don’t buy my idea. He went to the OC, who by the way is also a scholar, and report me for mistreatment. I don’t want to say much lah, but I kena 5 extras from that incident.

Sometimes when I see our generals standing next to those generals from Indonesia and Thailand, I feel embarrased. Why? Because our generals look like mummy boys standing next to men. You see those Indonesia general, with their bulging muscles, crew cut and tanned military look and then you look at ours. Can cry eh I tell you. Other people generals inspire respect, ours inspire laughter. I tell you, SAF got no real men already, all the real men kena court martial and thrown into jail liao like those three commandos. Poor thing.

You may wonder then why Lim Peh is still serving in the army after all the bad things I said about the army. I tell you why – because i love my country *eyes brim with tears*. I love my country so much that I’m willing to dedicate my whole life to protecting it. I love my country so much that I’m willing to accept all the craps that comes with this sacred duty. I love my country so much that . . . . . actually no lah, I serve in the army because I cannot find a job outside. Haha.

                               -Disclaimer aka cover our backside-

Encik Tan is currently a Sergeant Major in the Army. All the views stated here belongs to Encik Tan and him alone. This blog has absolutely no input whatsoever with regards to this article. In fact, we don’t even know Encik Tan personally. We might have bump into each other on the streets or beo his daughter a few times, but that’s about it.


Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

The one about “cheebye face” Star Awards 2005

45 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Waggy  |  November 23, 2005 at 9:10 pm

    hahaha… have heard of the “run and touch tree” story many times..

  • 2. Ah 9  |  November 23, 2005 at 9:34 pm

    LOL!!! classic…hehehehehe

  • 3. Adrienne  |  November 23, 2005 at 11:48 pm

    hahahahah! The blow job thing was damn farnie!

    And yeah, agree with you. Nowadays, it’s getting easier for the boys. I think also becos it’s time for a lot of ministers’ sons to serve their NS.

  • 4. Anonymous  |  November 24, 2005 at 12:00 am

    You are so fucking right man…

    In my last in camp training, we were supposed to go for a route march but the whole damn thing was first delayed, and subsequently cancelled becos of CAT 1. It was not even drizzling yet…the sky merely looked groomy and dark that’s all and some idiot at the Ops room had to call for CAT 1.

    Like that die lah…SAF soldiers cannot fight in the rain you know…So when it starts to drizzling..all the mother son will rush to the nearest training shed and tell the enemy, “Fighting cancelled becos of CAT 1…please go ahead and occupy our land while we wait for the rain to stop and get clearance from Ops Room officer”

  • 5. Anonymous  |  November 24, 2005 at 12:02 am

    hey! i agree with you, tt guy got off too lightly liao la.

    have you heard of this joke in the army?

    ‘Hip hip hurray! See enemy, run away!”

  • 6. OoMiAkAoO  |  November 24, 2005 at 1:43 am

    I also think that abit unfair. -.- Pay fine then no need to serve NS. Haiz… my dad also kenna before the run and touch tree thingy many times when he was in NS. Hahahahaha!!

  • 7. Johnny Malkavian  |  November 24, 2005 at 3:59 am

    That’s some fucking honesty there encik! That makes you at least a little better than all the cannot-make-it, cannot-find-job-outside regulars that permeate the SAF!

    Anyhow, I believe I have the winner for best excuse. Got this joker in my BMT batch excuse sunshine, so the cheebye went around with a fucking blue umbrella all the time. Damn comic.

  • 8. ketsugi  |  November 24, 2005 at 6:30 am

    I know that this entry was done in jest, but I have to chime and say that while “Encik Tan’s” views are commendable and quite probably justified, it is also true that there is absolutely no need for our NSF trainees to go through such training. Our army is, after all, more of a psychological deterrent than anything. And the NSFs receive so little proper training and combat experience that they’d be useless in a real war except perhaps as cannon fodder. And it is obvious that anyone can qualify as cannon fodder regardless of age, gender, physical fitness, training, education level, or whatever. So why bother wasting so much time, effort and money on training NSFs?

    After going through NS myself I came out more convinced than ever that if any country ever chose to call Singapore’s bluff, we’d put up a phenomenally laughable fight. Most of our NSF infantrymen wouldn’t know what to do, and neither would any of the NSF officers.

  • 9. Anonymous  |  November 24, 2005 at 7:28 am

    u r a loser.. u claim u love ur country??! my foot u understand? it is purely becoz u cant find any other better job out there to suit u!

    think u r so big inside e army ah?? u shld go out to e real world and have a reality check!!

    so wad u r a bloody CSM or anything inside there? i can tell u tat all u can secure outside the organisation is a job of a SBS bus driver or lower i tell u!

    time to reflect upon ur life dude.. wad have u achieved so far?? counting??

  • 10. Anonymous  |  November 24, 2005 at 7:33 am

    wah.can I have encik tan’s daughter de pic? :D LOL

  • 11. dom-breakdancer  |  November 24, 2005 at 7:42 am

    oi limpei todae oso damn angry, caz a shit woman go and shit at my blog. Nowadays, blogger are as noob as army boys. Those blogger total kanasai( exclude u and me la), go and shit at ppl blog when their blog is…cannot even shit kind…

  • 12. moomooman  |  November 24, 2005 at 7:49 am

    hmmm… this writing style is not the usual cheeky writing style.

    In fact, it reminds me of another blogger.

    I do hope both of you are not the same person.

  • 13. bigg  |  November 24, 2005 at 8:09 am

    i love the disclaimer.

  • 14. mrdarren  |  November 24, 2005 at 8:49 am

    ” all the real men kena court martial and thrown into jail liao like those three commandos. Poor thing.”

    Are you kidding, Encik? Are you referring to 2SG Hu En Huai’s drowning? You don’t think the three commandos deserve to be thrown into jail?

  • 15. Anonymous  |  November 24, 2005 at 10:03 am

    “Got one time, I saw this officer cadet who is also a president scholar doing his push-ups in the training shed. ….Then I asked him in that case shouldn’t he say sorry to the floor too because he was also fucking it for no apparent reason.”

    Sorry to disrespect u ah Encik, but I think your jokes are very boliao. Not even funny. Why must you verbally abuse your men? You think they will respect u more? Your insulting manner is the reason why people feel no pride when they serve army. Do national service still must put up with your rubbish!

  • 16. Anonymous  |  November 24, 2005 at 10:10 am

    and you are supposed to build up the weak soldiers, inspire them to serve the country. NOT to put them down, ask them to do stupid punishments, tell them to suck your cock etc etc. Please find another way to gain personal amusement.

  • 17. Anonymous  |  November 24, 2005 at 10:38 am

    Wah cek steady lah you, next time ask white horse to touch tree mah, see they gallop gallop..

    cek see ur daughter’s pic leh

  • 18. aze  |  November 24, 2005 at 11:20 am

    This post has been removed by the author.

  • 19. JackFrost  |  November 24, 2005 at 7:37 pm

    CSM…CSM.. company’s shortest man? company super mario? haha, reminds me of my encik. Like to give ppl weekend duties for being taller than him. If he has balls should take off his rank and fight like a real man. Anyway, my OC Clifford was quite power, but he had to leave, then came another OC from the SOF…heard he’s from the team that killed the plane hijackers. Those guys did inspire, but that was long ago. Now… cannot make it.

  • 20. A.Ball.of.Yarn  |  November 25, 2005 at 1:37 am

    wah…so many people hate “encik tan”.

    perhaps a helpful soul would also apply himself to hunting down the wild goose’s unit. that would be nice.

  • 21. dammit  |  November 25, 2005 at 5:48 am

    i agree with mrdarren. those commandoes have just killed someone’s son and so they deserve to be punished. simple as that. if your son was killed in such an incident i bet you wouldnt be saying such stuff. in fact i thought they have been let off a tad too lightly.

  • 22. Anonymous  |  November 25, 2005 at 7:25 pm

    There’s a difference between serving your country with honor and with a purpose, or serving your country by being entertainment for the regulars with no skills outside of the army.

  • 23. Shere  |  November 26, 2005 at 7:04 am

    Those of you who are pro pussy army should go watch ‘Full Metal Jacket’

    The whole idea of screwing the recruit upside down is to wake him up from this civillian dream and show him the reality that is the Army.

    If this is not done, then the recruit will never be a soldier and his mentality is still very civillian.

    Another reason is to reiterate to the recruits that authority shall never be questioned. In a battlefield situation, if a bloody soldier questions every single fuck shit his CSM or Officer tell him to do.. no need to fight war already..

  • 24. Anonymous  |  November 26, 2005 at 12:30 pm

    Full Metal Jacket… US recruits sign up voluntarily. They are fully paid soldiers.

    2 months of their pay = your full NS pay for 2/2.5 years. That’s their recruit pay vs your BMT + occifer pay (if you do become an occifer, or it’s 1 month of their pay = your 2 years NS pay)

  • 25. Anonymous  |  November 26, 2005 at 8:12 pm

    ha ha ha.Now u all know why lao lee make NS compulsory for all singaporean man. if not malaysian army attack or indonesian army attack first thing singaporean Ah Beng will do is surrender only. NS purpose is to train singaporean to be tough not sissy book worm.but still the general look like ah beng style. what to do lah sent the general for training again ask to run to the tree and apologized to the ground.

  • 26. Anonymous  |  November 26, 2005 at 9:50 pm

    LTA(NS) ‘Aze’ is gay.. i tot army cannot have gay?

  • 27. The Void Deck  |  November 27, 2005 at 1:31 am

    Brudder! kan ho chio your story!

  • 28. Anonymous  |  November 27, 2005 at 2:59 am

    Actually CSMs have a lot of responsibilities besides giving people extra duties or brutalizing recruits by asking them to touch trees. It’s just that most of their work is “behind the scenes” and they are normally not the most articulate people around (in English anyway). The piece is very funny, but it is probably written by a non-CSM.

  • 29. Shere  |  November 27, 2005 at 8:31 am

    Actually.. the recruits in Full Metal Jacket did not sign up voluntarilly… they were drafted for the vietnam war… its literally draw lots one.. if you read books on the vietnam war, you’ll realise that they draw lots by calling out your birthday.. if you suay you kena called and you have to go vietman and fight war..

  • 30. Anonymous  |  November 29, 2005 at 7:37 pm

    wahhh cheeky like this article, except for the three commondoes who killed the 2sgt… ah yo, hear those commando dicks killing guards ppl my blood boil sia. hahaha, but really ah, the bloody pianist got off too lightly, did you hear abt the “moral of the story?”

    get ur mother to give birth to you in the US, then come back before u turn 21 to save yourself 5k”


    -yf, ex-guards… lol!

  • 31. Superstar  |  December 1, 2005 at 7:39 am

    haha i totally agreed ur saying. Not even army i think even outside ppl Nowadays also got this kind of fucking attitude lor

  • 32. Anonymous  |  December 2, 2005 at 12:14 am

    hey.. encik tan. what is wrong with your brain? i dont know why you like to punish all those small ranks people? if you think they are wrong, then wat abt those higher rank officer? why dont you tell them to scratch your balls? i am sure they also do something wrong? you only dare to tok cock but dont even dare to deal with those high ranked officer. think you will tiao at your CSM forever lor. pathetic…

  • 33. Your_Father  |  December 2, 2005 at 1:09 am

    Don’t even talk about loving your country when you can’t even treat your countrymen right, you sadistic babie of a VD infested mutt.

    Why are you ranting here anyway? Got nothing better to do hor? Can’t find a job, can’t earn a living right, fat Loser? :p

  • 34. pj  |  December 2, 2005 at 11:50 pm

    haha… that’s classic.

    I know my dad did mention the run & touch tree thing, but that was yonks ago.

    Didn’t expect today’s nsmen to be such nancies tho… :)

    your blog’s real funny.

  • 35. Charlie CPL  |  December 2, 2005 at 11:51 pm

    Woah.. apparantly alot people is using this chance to vent out their frustration towards their previous treatment from their Sgt/CSM etc.. I myself is serving the NS now in SISPEC. Despite being a corporal, there is this warrent officer that can fuck us upside down, inside out out of the blue. Simply saying, he is just fucked up! But one sentence he said definitely makes sense. The reason he fuck us up so much, is because he wants us to be well-trained commander so that we wont get another person’s son killed in the future. But then again, he had just taught us how to be a fucker.. i certainly pity the men under me in the future.. sigh

  • 36. Nikholai  |  December 4, 2005 at 1:02 am

    Encik Tan sounds like someone in OCS, mentor.

  • 37. Anonymous  |  December 4, 2005 at 9:24 am

    hey you son of a bitch cock sucker, if you are so smart, try earning a living out of the army. I think you enjoy fucking your bedridden mother as much as tekaning your recruits. I will gladly put a round through that pathetic shit mound you call a head of yours anytime.I respect any bangla worker anytime more than you pathetic pieces of shit wearing that gay uniform. Time to oil your father’s asshole with your ‘Encik’ stick. Hey your mother’s calling you to fuck her.

  • 38. Anonymous  |  December 11, 2005 at 5:40 am

    What about recruits who tekan their commanders by fouling things up for them? They know we can’t get at them directly whilst they can always complain to the higher ups…

    Everyone is accountable to another and whether you’re a conscript army or a ‘professional’ army like the US, a man follows his orders, a NCO learns to take stupid requests and turns them into smart, workable orders and an officer learns to make smart decisions and requests.

  • 39. Anonymous  |  December 16, 2005 at 10:36 pm


    COL M H BURTON 1833-1982

    if there is no pain… the organization is weak. if it is weak. then it will suffer. you will suffer. because you are weak. OOHRAH

  • 40. Leslie  |  December 23, 2005 at 7:00 am

    How many of you bums can remember the stupid grammatically-bad SAF pledge that we were forced to take upon enlistment?

    I can’t coz I was “beo-ing” the chio female officer reciting the pledge.

    Damn, women in uniform! Oh, those women in combat side, don’t apply. Only CPMB ones, below 25 years old. Yes, aunty staff sergeant, no hope liao!!!

  • 41. john mayer ringtones  |  May 31, 2007 at 8:49 pm

    john mayer ringtones

    Eye of john mayer ringtones

  • 42. summer school program  |  May 31, 2007 at 9:00 pm

    summer school program

    ka-ka-sh-ka 2624188 This site contains relevant information about summer school program.

  • 43. teen lesbians fingering  |  June 7, 2007 at 6:19 pm

    teen lesbians fingering

    ka-ka-sh-ka 2624188 teen lesbians fingering info and more

  • 44. spruce stetson  |  June 7, 2007 at 6:28 pm

    spruce stetson

    This page contains some info about spruce stetson

  • 45. free pictures os shaved vigina  |  June 7, 2007 at 6:56 pm

    free pictures os shaved vigina

    ka-ka-sh-ka 2624188 free pictures os shaved vigina info


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed