A typical memo for the President on a typical day

August 25, 2005 at 1:54 am 20 comments

Good Morning Your Excellency, hope you had a good night sleep. Don’t worry, you are still the president of this beloved country we called “home”, and I’m glad to inform you that there are no signs of any demonstrations or protests with respect to your legitimacy to the office. To start off your day, please take a moment to look through this memo and make the approriate decisions to some of the points listed. No hurry. Just take your time since you have plenty of it.

1) The Chan family is seeking your presidential pardon for their son who is on death row for drug trafficking. Please circle one of 2 appropriate choices.

a)

b)

2) Andrew Kuan’s supporters are burning your effigy outside the Istana again. Your prestige is at stake. What should be done? Please circle the most appropriate course of action.

a) Release the hounds
b) Enact the Internal Security Act and lock up these lot of buggers
c) Practice tolerance for the time being since the majority of the public thinks your presidency is a sham.

3) You are due for another full medical checkup at Raffles Hospital this afternoon. Doctor Albert reckons it’s time to stick the probe up your ass this time round. Yes, I know it’s degrading and uncomfortable, but please Sir, it’s for your own good.

4) How would you like to buy your 4D this weekend?

a) $20 Big $20 Small
b) $50 Big $50 Small
c) $100 Big $100 Small

5) Your DVDs for “Sex and the City” (The uncensored version) has arrived. The Custom and Immigration department has been advised to close one eye and keep mum. Don’t worry, the DVDs are kept well hidden from your wife. ;-)

6) The following websites has been making disparaging remarks about you and your presidency. Our team of hackers is on standby and can be called upon to act in less than 2 hours. They only need the word from you Sir.

http://www.sammyboy.com/
http://www.talkingcock.com/
http://www.singabloodypore.blogspot.com/

7) You are to host an informal dinner function for a few corrupted politicians from some fucked up third world African country. Please select your preferred choice of attire. (Models not included, if you know what I mean. *wink wink*)

a)

b)

c)

d)

Just kidding abou choice (d) sir. :-D

8) TT Durai has been persistently trying to seek an audience with you. He kept saying, “A Hindu should help another Hindu” or something along that line. So how?

a) Arrange a closed door meeting with him
b) Ignore him

9 )We found discrepancies in some of the Government’s transactions. What should we do?

a) Act blur
b) What b? Haha.

10) Dinky is sick again. :-( No Sir, he’s not one of your grandsons. He’s your pet dog.

11) Your Mandarin tutor has been very please with your progress. He suggested having you take the PSLE this year to gauge your proficiency against the rest.

12) The Straits Times has asked for an exclusive interview next month. We have requested Sumiko Tan to be the interviewer knowing your fetish for all things japs. Don’t need to thank me Sir. Just doing my job.

13) The NKF has asked your wife to be their patron for the next few years. Personally Sir, I think it’s a good idea. Her excellency will have activities to fill up her time and most importantly you will have her off your back for a few hours each day. It’s a win win situation. And Mrs Goh has given her blessing for this arrangement although she seemed to be clenching her teeth while saying it.

14) The prime minister is peeved. You have failed to report to him for 2 days straight. I foresee a lot of pacifying and balls fondling Sir.

End of memo

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Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

美人鱼 My ASS The Art of Cussing

20 Comments Add your own

  • 1. lunnatic  |  August 25, 2005 at 3:22 am

    *blink blink* Hmmm..

    Reply
  • 2. Anonymous  |  August 25, 2005 at 4:39 am

    after a bloody long wait, all you give us is this????

    Reply
  • 3. Beng  |  August 25, 2005 at 5:59 am

    Failed to report to the prime minister? Wow, that’s a no-no! Can’t ignore the hand that feeds you, Mr. president!

    Reply
  • 4. Anonymous  |  August 25, 2005 at 6:00 am

    number 3!!!

    Reply
  • 5. klang  |  August 25, 2005 at 6:44 am

    Nabeh…. this is good.

    Reply
  • 6. Anonymous  |  August 25, 2005 at 8:40 pm

    … I mean a joke is one thing but I dun think this entry is very nice…

    Reply
  • 7. Anonymous  |  August 26, 2005 at 2:51 am

    I think thia entry is not very good. in terms of poltical i feel. hmm.

    Reply
  • 8. Anonymous  |  August 26, 2005 at 4:09 am

    well i don’t mean to be mean i’ve been reading for quite awhile but i think u should either redo or remove this entry.. you MIGHT get into trouble.. don’t think it’s worth the risk.

    Reply
  • 9. Anonymous  |  August 26, 2005 at 7:20 pm

    El presidentie will do nothing. name ONE thing he has done? One thing?

    Reply
  • 10. Venitha  |  August 26, 2005 at 11:05 pm

    Cheeky, indeed. Very nice.

    Reply
  • 11. Lexus  |  August 27, 2005 at 12:54 am

    close one eye over this entry ;)

    Reply
  • 12. Ah 9  |  August 27, 2005 at 1:00 am

    This post has been removed by the author.

    Reply
  • 13. Ah 9  |  August 27, 2005 at 1:02 am

    Forcing cheeky to remove this entry, and thus commiting blogicide. It’s a definite no-no, it shows how narrow minded some people out there are.

    It is funny. Can’t they look at the lighter side of life? If this entry is bad…then the production staff of the movie Perth should run off faster than Francis Seow.

    Some people should stop dictating how people think. Think for themselves than just acting pussy following the herd.

    Pui.
    Kaninabuaycheebye…

    Reply
  • 14. Anonymous  |  August 27, 2005 at 10:30 pm

    wa biang. respect The President to some extent lahz, idiots. after all he din fail Singapore so far.

    Reply
  • 15. DannyWatt  |  August 28, 2005 at 5:23 am

    hey cheeky, haha check out this blog. u might like it, same shit like u haha.

    http://www.rockson.blogspot.com

    Reply
  • 16. evil  |  August 28, 2005 at 6:35 am

    anyway, i think this post should read in a light-hearted way..

    no need to be so uptight abt it..

    i think should just read it with a laugh..

    dun be so serious!!! :)

    Reply
  • 17. Anonymous  |  August 29, 2005 at 5:11 am

    good stuff.. some fresh air indeed..

    Reply
  • 18. Claris  |  August 29, 2005 at 6:18 am

    haha. balls fondling..

    Reply
  • 19. Skye Bleu  |  August 29, 2005 at 7:04 am

    another masterpiece.. relishing every word of it.. hahaha.. wish you would update more often!!!

    more more more.. XD

    Reply
  • 20. KwokSiong  |  August 30, 2005 at 6:57 am

    classic!–>

    Reply

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