Bloggers.SG 2005

July 18, 2005 at 4:13 am 17 comments

Seeing that everyone had so much fun at the recent Singapore Bloggers convention (and having so many chicks around), cheeky regretted not having partook in the orgy. The fact is cheeky was actually loitering around city hall with his girl during that time and thought of dropping by DXO for a while. But when he mentioned that to his girl, she retorted, “What for? Those bloggers have no life at all.” I tell you, after hearing that, the temptation to slap her was very strong and was gaining momentum with every second. But luckily, we bloggers have very good manners and self restrain. That’s why we don’t counter-sue when somebody sue us. We apologise instead. And so, with regards to that mean remarks, cheeky merely laughed it off. Ha ha. (By the way, cheeky and his girl made up by making out in the toilet afterwards, so all was forgiven).

But then, even if cheeky was to drop by, he wouldn’t know what to do there. Cheeky don’t know any bloggers in Singapore and most of the time he will be left standing alone like an idiot. Add to the fact that he’s not good in conversing with a complete stranger. An example of a normal conversation with a stranger usually goes like this:

Cheeky: Hi
Sarong Party Girl: Oh hi.
Cheeky: My name is Cheeky.
Sarong Party Girl: Hi Cheeky. How are you?
Cheeky: I’m fine. Can I see your boobs.
*Slap *

See what he means. Anyway, cheeky has thought of a solution. Cheeky knows that many bloggers has taken upon themselves to form their own blogging cliques and community, as such cheeky thinks that it would be a good idea to join one, so that when the next convention comes around, he would have a groupie to hang out with and not feel so stupid. Cheeky’s criterias in joining a group are very simple. They must fufil 3 conditions:

1. There must be chio bu.
2. A lot of chio bu.
3. The more the merrier.

So if you guys know of any cool blogging community or cliques that cheeky could join, feel free to leave a comment. ( For your info, cheeky likes to indulge in role playing and making home videos)

With the ending of this year convention, there must surely be some sort of post-mortem of the event. Even though Cheeky was not there in person, he would like to share with the organizers his gripes and suggestions concerning the convention (from reading the blogs of others of course). Cheeky strongly believe that, like sex, there are always room for improvements.

1. There are much complaints with regards to the toilets especially the male toilet. Please take a look at this following picture.

Can you see that the urinal has no partitions in between. Do you know that peeing in such low class urinal can make some guys feel “inadequate” especially if they happen to be peeing beside someone like Cheeky? These guys have very low self esteems and small egos to begin with, lets not shrink them further by subjecting them to such humiliation. So next time, please select a premise with a more appropriate toilet settings.

2. Cheeky pity those so called famous bloggers. With people jostling for the chance/space to take photos with/of these famous bloggers, they are no different from those pandas in the zoo.

“ Wah Papa, the Mr brown is opening his mouth leh, quick take photo”.
“ Wah Papa, take a picture of me feeding Miyagi with a curry puff leh”.
” Sit Xiaxue. Sit and roll over!”

These famous bloggers may seem accommodating and friendly on the surface to your request of having a photo taken with them, but deep down they are cursing you and your ancestors. A few minutes of smiling for the cameras are fine. But when that stretches to a few hours with no breaks in between, the toil on the face and bladders can be very damaging.

As can be seen from this constipated picture of miyagi, he was really straining his face to fake a smile for the camera for the umpteen times. Give the poor guy a break for goodness sake.

To lighten their burdens, Cheeky suggests making life size cut-outs of these famous bloggers and placed them in various corners of the convention. This way, people can just walk up and pose for photos with these cut-outs. But please don’t take the chance to molest, fondle or use the cut-outs to aid you in any forms of self stimulated acts hor. It will not be tolerated. And please do not leave any unnecessary drools or bodily residues on the cut-outs as they are made with public sharing in mind.

4.

Can we hire dancers from Crazy Horse for next year convention instead of belly dancers? (if you do, please notify us earlier so that we can prepare an extra set of pants and underwear to bring along)

5. We bloggers are prone to offending the authorities. As such there must be some measures in place to suck up to the authorities. Cheeky suggests that the organizers begin by leading the congregation in a wayang show of solidarity and love for the country by reciting the national pledge in the 4 official languages with a Singapore flag flying (must be flying hor) in the background before starting the next convention.

6. What on earth was Mr Kenny doing at the convention. Apparently he didn’t recognize a threat when he read one. Don’t worry, cheeky’s toenail is almost healed.

7. Jeremy Au Yong and Shawn Woo from SPH were acting damn smug after their organization won a lawsuit. Think their balls are getting too big for their own good. Anyone for a plate of “Balls Cutlets”?

All in all, from what cheeky gathered, the convention was a success. The volunteers and organizers should give each other a pat on the back for a job well done. With that, Cheeky would like to excuse himself and go back to resuming his favourite activity with his girl. He’s playing the role of a burglar tonight. Hur hur.

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Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

NKF vs SPH Court Saga 美人鱼 My ASS

17 Comments Add your own

  • 1. nightdescends  |  July 18, 2005 at 6:04 am

    wow, i’m the first poster.almost as fun as the time i thought i posted first on slashdot.you’re still the prince of puerile, cheeky!

    Reply
  • 2. Ball.of.Yarn  |  July 18, 2005 at 6:46 am

    two outright winners in a row. :) nice one, cheeky. had a good laugh.

    Reply
  • 3. Anonymous  |  July 18, 2005 at 6:54 am

    Is it me or Cheeky got chut special? How come suggestion number 3 is missing?

    Reply
  • 4. bEar  |  July 18, 2005 at 7:38 am

    hahahs..so did u go in the end??lolx…continue to blog, u realli blog gr8 humourous stuff..oh yar i think ST reporters noe abt ur blog lolx

    Reply
  • 5. Bubblemunche  |  July 18, 2005 at 7:40 am

    MAUAHUAHHAU!! This is utterly hilarious :D!

    I think your previous entry sucked, but this one is really goddamn good lah.

    Reply
  • 6. MQube  |  July 18, 2005 at 5:09 pm

    This is totally hilarious!!! Great stuff, Cheeky! :)

    Reply
  • 7. Zhe Bin  |  July 18, 2005 at 6:48 pm

    HAHAHAHA! i hope you blog everyday lah!

    Reply
  • 8. ah fatt's fan  |  July 18, 2005 at 6:51 pm

    I know it’s plain coincidence. But it feel damn shiok to read your entry just one day after i requested it in your previous post :)

    Reply
  • 9. Ah 9  |  July 18, 2005 at 7:10 pm

    burglar siah….LOL

    Reply
  • 10. ei|een  |  July 18, 2005 at 10:11 pm

    why don’t you start your own blogger community, cheeky?

    you can call it “CCB” – cheeky’s chio bu-s!

    sure got alot of people join. i also want to join!

    bwahahahaha ;)

    Reply
  • 11. Anonymous  |  July 18, 2005 at 10:50 pm

    hey great blog! chanced upon it somehow…anyway ever thought of being a playwriter? you’ve got potential cheeky… ;)

    Reply
  • 12. Gena  |  July 19, 2005 at 8:07 am

    You’re so hilarious! I enjoy reading your entries. :D

    Reply
  • 13. klang  |  July 19, 2005 at 9:28 am

    Which toilet?

    Reply
  • 14. sharon  |  July 19, 2005 at 9:23 pm

    you are damn bo liao but very funny…good job!

    Reply
  • 15. cheeky  |  July 20, 2005 at 6:21 am

    nightdescends: simi si puerile

    anon: Yah hor. Where is number 3?

    bear: unfortunately no.

    bubblemunce: hey dude. you do know you are my fav.loser right.

    ah fatt’s fan: Anything for u dear. Wait a minute…are u a guy or a girl?

    klang: the one at DXO lah.

    sharon: I’m not bo liao. I’m just bored

    eileen: that’s a good idea. Send me your photo then.

    anon: playwright? no lah, their angmo darn power one leh.

    Reply
  • 16. ah fatt's fan  |  July 20, 2005 at 8:11 pm

    Hahaha! Whether ah fatt’s fan is a girl, a guy or an ah kua will largely depend on whether Cheeky is heterosexual, homosexual or metrosexual……

    Reply
  • 17. -Decipher-  |  July 31, 2005 at 5:36 am

    anyway ah, i tink kenny copied ur idea of an intro with sarong party girl. and she really showed him her boobs.

    Reply

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