NKF vs SPH Court Saga

July 13, 2005 at 1:03 am 58 comments

The Cast

Image hosted by Photobucket.com TT Durai. CEO of NKF. Commonly known as “The man who simply refuses to fly business class”.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com Senior Counsel Davinder Singh. The most powerful Singh in Singapore. Not related to Gurmit Singh

Image hosted by Photobucket.com Judge Tan Lee Meng. Don’t do much in court but has a good ear for gossips.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com Clerk. Nicknamed “Court Jester”

 Image hosted by Photobucket.com Yati Sudoharto, maid of the plaintiff. Her favourite hobbies are sleeping during working hours and acting blur. The maids these days I tell you. *Shake head*

Image hosted by Photobucket.com Contractor. He sibeh buay song NKF.

. Senior Counsel Michael Khoo. A low profile lawyer, that’s why can’t find his photo on the net.

Clerk: Hear ye hear ye, Judge is in the house. All rise.
Everyone rise
Judge: So which case am I presiding today?
Clerk: Your honour, please refer to case #234, NKF’s defamation suit against SPH.
Judge: Sounds exciting. Will the defending counsel like to proceed?
Counsel Singh: Your honour, I like to call the plaintiff Mr TT Durai to the stand.
Mr Durai approaches the stand

Clerk: Mr Durai, will you please place your right hand on the Bible and do solemnly swear
Counsel Khoo: OBJECTION your honour! My client is a hindu.
Judge: Who cares.
Everyone laugh

Judge: Joking lah. Objection substained.
The bible is promptly replace with a set of Hindu scriptures.

Clerk: Mr Durai, will you place your right hand on the scriptures and do solemnly swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the god damm truth, god dammit.
Durai: I do.
Clerk: You may now kiss the bride.
Everyone laugh again

Judge: *Wiping tears from his eyes* Oh man, this joke never fail to crack me up. Well done clerk. Counsel Singh, you may carry on.
Counsel Singh: Mr Durai, have you at any point of time installed a gold-plated tap in your bathroom.
Durai: No I don’t
Counsel Singh: LIAR YOUR HONOUR! HE’S A LIAR!

Judge: *Startled* Ni nabeh. You nearly make me pee in my pants.
Counsel Singh: Pardon my sudden outburst your honour. I would next like to call upon my first witness, Ms Yati Sudoharto, maid of the plaintiff.
A gangly woman approaches the stand

Counsel Singh: Ms Yati, while you were cleaning Mr TT Durai’s office, do you happen to notice a gold-plated tap installed in his bathroom?
Yati: Apa ini?
Counsel Singh: Nice one Yati. Trying to play dumb with me is it?
Yati: Apa?
Counsel Singh: Apa indeed Ms Yati. But you don’t fool me one bit.
Yati:Apa apa?
Counsel Singh: If you apa one more time Yati, I’m going to shove your apa up your ass and then it will really be apa ini for you. Ya hear me. Let me ask you again, did you or did you not see a gold-plated tap installed in Mr Durai bathroom while you were cleaning his office?
Long silence

Counsel Singh: Come on Yati, no one can help you now. Why don’t you just spit it out.
Yati spits on the floor.

Counsel Singh: Kaninah. I don’t mean this kind of spit lah.
The whole room erupted with laughter.

Counsel Singh: Yati, if you still avoid the question, the court will have no choice but to send you back to Bandah Aceh and we all know what Aceh is like right now don’t we? Hur hur.
Yati: You bad person. Yati no like you.
Counsel Singh: Like I care Yati, like I care. One last time Yati. Did you see a gold-plated tap installed in Mr Durai bathroom while you were cleaning his office?
Yati: Yah lah.
Counsel Singh: AH HA! *looking damn smug* What do you say to that now Mr Durai?
Counsel Khoo: OBJECTION your honour. Counsel Singh is showing off.
Judge: Overruled. Being MM Lee personal lawyer, it’s only right that we allow Counsel Singh to show off once in a while. Counsel Singh please carry on.
Counsel Singh: Thank you your honour. Mr Durai, will it now occur to you that your defamation suit against my client now appears to be ill conceived.
Durai: Damn you Singh. Damn you and your turban.
Counsel Singh: Your honour, to’ kill off’ this case, I like to call upon my next witness. He’s none other than (long pause for dramatic effect) “The Contractor”.
The whole room goes Ooooooooo. Some even soil their pants.
An Ah Pek approaches the stand.


Counsel Singh: Mr contractor, am I correct to say that you are the one responsible in installing the tap?
Contractor: Ha nah.
Counsel Singh: Were you asked to install the gold-plated tap in Mr Durai bathroom?
Contractor: Si lah. That Ah Neh said he only want the best and he told me to install the gold one from the catalog loh. I sibeh buay song after that becos hor how can anyhow waste people money like that wan. Si bor?
Durai: *looking agitated* Ok dammit. We did installed a gold-plated tap. There I admit it. But I see nothing wrong with it. It was entirely within the guidelines and regulations of the board. Everything that was done was above board.
Counsel Singh: You know Mr Durai, with regards to what you just said, we Sikhs have a old saying, “Milakum nahbahsoli krisnatham”. It means “What a pile of bullshit”.
Counsel Khoo: OBJECTION your honour. Counsel is insulting my client.
Judge: Overruled. Not only is Counsel Singh allow to show off, but he is also entitled to make sarcastic insults now and then. No choice. MM Lee personal lawyer mah.
Counsel Singh: Thank you your honour. With the testimonies of the two witnesses, we can safely conclude that the articles in question which were printed by my client has in no way defame Mr Durai in any capacity but were simply reporting and conveying the facts to its readers. Facts which we have already proven in this court. As such I would like your honour to end the session now and throw out this suit not only because of it’s ridiculousness but also because I’m getting hungry.
Counsel Khoo: OBJECTION your honour. I haven’t had my turn yet.
Judge: Objection my ass. I’m getting hungry too. Lets just adjourn for makan before resuming the session.
Clerk: Hear me hear me, the Judge is leaving for makan. All rise.
Everyone boh hew the clerk.

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Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

Eddy and his Boon Lay Gal Bloggers.SG 2005

58 Comments Add your own

  • 1. jinx  |  July 13, 2005 at 4:40 am

    HEY I’M THE FIRST TO LEAVE A COMMENT. HEE. good stuff man. i wish u could focus on flaming Durai the bastard.

    Reply
  • 2. Ah 9  |  July 13, 2005 at 5:31 am

    BUAWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    Reply
  • 3. The Angry Little Girl  |  July 13, 2005 at 8:16 am

    power lah!

    Reply
  • 4. Anonymous  |  July 13, 2005 at 8:48 am

    Wahaha nice one..

    Reply
  • 5. JL  |  July 13, 2005 at 9:37 am

    nice one.. waiting for the resumed court saga.. have or dun have

    Reply
  • 6. Thirteen  |  July 13, 2005 at 10:09 am

    song song…write more hor..waiting for the resume (=

    Reply
  • 7. Ed, Edd & Eddy !!!  |  July 13, 2005 at 10:13 am

    Hilarious! Comedy gold.

    Reply
  • 8. a crunchy green apple  |  July 13, 2005 at 10:43 am

    ROFL. Only you can think of such stuffs.. :)

    Reply
  • 9. Pearlyn  |  July 13, 2005 at 6:26 pm

    LOL!!!!!! Damn funny siah!!!! I really “LOL” in my office lor!!!!

    Reply
  • 10. Kelly Chan  |  July 13, 2005 at 6:51 pm

    Good one… This entry made my day.

    Got so many juicy news about how they use their money on 4 colors print for every publication and the way his staff dress and drives

    Reply
  • 11. Anonymous  |  July 13, 2005 at 7:03 pm

    Cheeky, you….!!!
    I’m reading this in the office and I have to hold my laughter until almost cannot tahan already! You know how painful it is to hold a laughter?!

    Reply
  • 12. Geroithe  |  July 13, 2005 at 7:29 pm

    good one wor!!! =)

    anyway check this (http://www.siac.org.sg/regpanel-mkhoo.htm) out… michael khoo’s picture!!!! heh heh he happens to be listed as an arbitrator with my company. *grins*

    Reply
  • 13. Paddy Tan  |  July 13, 2005 at 8:31 pm

    You are good, man!!

    Reply
  • 14. lili  |  July 13, 2005 at 10:17 pm

    omg its the funniest thing on earth. FUNNIEST!!! =)

    Reply
  • 15. Anonymous  |  July 13, 2005 at 10:46 pm

    Great stuff! anymore? continue leh

    Reply
  • 16. zeenie  |  July 13, 2005 at 10:55 pm

    that was so hilarious i nearly peed in my pants……. and i’m not wearing any!
    good stuff!

    Reply
  • 17. Anonymous  |  July 13, 2005 at 11:48 pm

    Rather boring rather.

    And infantile as the disclaimer said. Surely, someone can come up with something funnier and more insulting.

    Reply
  • 18. Anonymous  |  July 14, 2005 at 12:09 am

    yes… it’s farking boring… i can’t believe someone wasted dunno how many minutes writing this lame skit. For a much funnier blog… go here:

    http://rockson.blogspot.com/2005/07/nkf-boss-got-cheebye-12-months-bonus.html

    Reply
  • 19. Pearlyn  |  July 14, 2005 at 12:27 am

    SIAO! where got boring… funniest thing i’ve read… especially the ‘judge’… hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

    Reply
  • 20. Anonymous  |  July 14, 2005 at 12:31 am

    Obviously it doesn’t take much to humour the lot of you.

    Reply
  • 21. Anonymous  |  July 14, 2005 at 2:14 am

    damn funny, nearly fell off my chair.

    part 2 pls………..

    Reply
  • 22. Anonymous  |  July 14, 2005 at 2:39 am

    I’m shocked that any so-called civilised country would allow such a swine as Mr Singh to practice law, let alone speak in public. If he supposedly represents MM Lee, he should practice a few manners. We too have an old saying for people like him, whataracistdick! I think it’s originally an indian term, but I’m sure a man of his stature will understand. Then again, maid abuse is common in Singapore, even in court. I will send this transcript to my lawyer friends in London and they can all have a good laugh at it… lah! Come on, Singapore. Yes, TT Durai clearly abused his position. Convict him, and throw away the key. End of story, lah!

    Reply
  • 23. Anonymous  |  July 14, 2005 at 3:09 am

    a nice one but u should have written your personal diary and the happenings encountered around u and how u feel about it…tat will be more interesting to read…A PERSONAL ENCOUNTER!!!

    Reply
  • 24. Anonymous  |  July 14, 2005 at 3:50 am

    hi..ur blog is interesting..but to save guard urself i think u better either edit the name or take away the photo.

    Reply
  • 25. Anonymous  |  July 14, 2005 at 4:02 am

    wahahahahaha….all the best to u if they happen to c this link, u for sure will get into a deep shit. may god blessed u.

    Reply
  • 26. nightdescends  |  July 14, 2005 at 6:31 am

    no way…we live in an open-minded society, i’m sure someone as magnanimous as DS would be able to see the funny side of the story and as they say…live and let live.i mean, what’s the big deal? worst thing that could happen to you is that you can kiss that dream job in Drew & Napier goodbye.

    Reply
  • 27. -Decipher-  |  July 14, 2005 at 7:23 am

    really tickled me.

    Reply
  • 28. Ball.of.Yarn  |  July 14, 2005 at 8:06 am

    damn funny, cheeky. I wished you had prolonged the cross-examination though – I haven’t had enough. :)

    Reply
  • 29. Anonymous  |  July 14, 2005 at 8:38 am

    wah biang! cyo si lang ah!

    Reply
  • 30. La Mason  |  July 14, 2005 at 7:22 pm

    Later MM Lee’s lawyer sue you for defamation then you know… you have $262m in your account?

    LOL…well done!

    Reply
  • 31. Anonymous  |  July 14, 2005 at 9:54 pm

    wah liew eh .. dun suan ppl lar ………… but its good …

    Reply
  • 32. bananabf  |  July 14, 2005 at 10:50 pm

    oi, just discover your blog, your entries are awesome man, not toking bout the bnkf trial only, i read all your entries at one go…i feel good ler, just like feel good movie…hehehe….

    Reply
  • 33. Wynx  |  July 15, 2005 at 1:16 am

    Freaking funny this. You really got the stuff, dude…

    Reply
  • 34. Anonymous  |  July 15, 2005 at 3:23 am

    watch your back.

    Reply
  • 35. Anonymous  |  July 15, 2005 at 7:57 am

    Man u are great…..this is damn funny

    Reply
  • 36. kopi  |  July 15, 2005 at 8:14 am

    Hahahahahahahahah i love the story

    Reply
  • 37. nadine  |  July 15, 2005 at 8:20 am

    This post has been removed by the author.

    Reply
  • 38. James  |  July 15, 2005 at 9:26 am

    Reading this blog is like reading a comic book. Hilarious, awesome and damn cool la. Get published sometime. =)

    Reply
  • 39. Anonymous  |  July 15, 2005 at 6:39 pm

    SI beh cia lak…..continuation of the courtroom saga PLEEEAASSSEEE..
    tickle my funny bone bit…..

    Reply
  • 40. Zhe Bin  |  July 16, 2005 at 5:56 am

    you’re still the man!!

    Reply
  • 41. Ra  |  July 16, 2005 at 9:28 am

    Your blog’s entries are good and pose no offence to anyone except for ths subjects in discussion. This is extremely pleasant to note as you will not face problems for defaming like xia xue. I love your blog’s entries and hope you will continue to update. You rocks, Cheeky!

    PS: Life is full of cheaters and liars. It is so saddening to spot a national-telling one.

    Reply
  • 42. Anonymous  |  July 16, 2005 at 1:35 pm

    yawn~~*汗**悶*

    Reply
  • 43. Anonymous  |  July 16, 2005 at 9:13 pm

    Very well written skit. Thumbs up! I dun see any prob with it so long as pple see the lighter side of the joke.

    Reply
  • 44. Mrs Reeves  |  July 16, 2005 at 9:33 pm

    hahahaha… omg… not bad… lol! haven’t read the rest of ur entries yet, but i will… ;) good stuffs… hope u’ll be more famous than the lamer, dunno what the gal name ah… xiaoxue or something like that… :P dunno why she even go tv, i think u deserve much better than her… ;) kekeke….

    Reply
  • 45. ahhreylee  |  July 17, 2005 at 12:14 am

    eh cheeky YOURE PRONESS!!!

    i salute u manz. thats realy one gd piece of work. haha. u seem to be on the same wavelength as me. haha.

    go my blog and tell me wad u think. thanx. keep it up manz

    Reply
  • 46. Claris  |  July 17, 2005 at 8:13 am

    “Milakum nahbahsoli krisnatham”

    WU YA BOH?! LOL.

    Reply
  • 47. ah fatt's fan  |  July 17, 2005 at 10:45 pm

    Cheeky, can you also give a narration of the just concluded Singapore Bloggers Conference? The Sunday Times says it’s a bore… Bore perhaps the organizing committee did not invite my idol Ah Fatt to speak…… Like to read the Cheeky version.

    Reply
  • 48. Anonymous  |  July 17, 2005 at 11:10 pm

    its lame the sikh words u said were not even sikh words la..

    Reply
  • 49. Anonymous  |  July 18, 2005 at 8:45 am

    haha.. buay ta han.. laff until stomach pain

    Reply
  • 50. Anonymous  |  July 18, 2005 at 11:41 pm

    Unfunny, typical Singaporean humour about Filipino maids and racial differences. This kinda stuff have been done to death in sitcoms like PCK and other u-name-it local productions.

    Reply
  • 51. Mich  |  July 19, 2005 at 5:43 am

    Wow! Good One Man! Can’t stop laughing (tks wilfred) Can have some more on the new INterim guy Mr Ee… write something good on him, can?

    Reply
  • 52. fuji  |  July 22, 2005 at 12:04 am

    absolutely lame. but funny..
    lol… [^^]”

    Reply
  • 53. Anonymous  |  July 22, 2005 at 10:10 pm

    thats a good one….that tt durai must be grilled….

    Reply
  • 54. Anonymous  |  July 22, 2005 at 10:14 pm

    Great laugh for the whole family….u have not mention about the first class flying….the salary….and most of all the board of directors…it will be more laughter..

    cheers

    Reply
  • 55. Anonymous  |  July 26, 2005 at 10:52 am

    Veri farni . ..
    poor yati .. this is more like under one roof version ..
    lol

    Reply
  • 56. connie_ticklegoddess  |  August 4, 2005 at 2:55 am

    Love to be tickled and to tickle somebody

    Me & some of my friends are usually tormenting each other. I love tickling them to death, and they will tickle me back. Thats our trip everyday and when we go out, while we walking into the street going to the park we saw one guy,andguess what happen next? We fucking tickle him until he couldn’t breath. He is totally fucked up! Can you imagine my face now?:D…ROFL….

    After that he was pissed off at first when he recover. But one of my friend carry him to her house which is near by and she suck his cock.

    When they finished I look at him and says: “You want more sweetie?”
    He turn back and says: ” I’ve just cum! ”
    LOL
    I says: ” I didn’t say I will make you cum….. I’m gonna fucking tick…..le……..y….o..uuuuuuuuuu!! “

    Reply
  • 57. mEnG  |  October 7, 2005 at 11:34 pm

    wah lan,fuck u lah
    haha,damn fuuny lor..i almost laugh till my stomach cramp.u guys rox

    Reply
  • 58. Anonymous  |  October 12, 2005 at 6:38 pm

    I am sorry but after reading the blog I find it all rather childish.Its the same slapstick humour ala Phua Chu Kang. And the annoying stereotyping of racial groups. Nothing intelligent. Try harder.–>

    Reply

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