Jimmy and his lemonade stand

March 22, 2005 at 4:17 am 45 comments

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

On March the 3rd 2005, a 10-year-old boy was brought before the juvenile court and sentenced to 1-year probation in the boys’ home. Not many people know about it since the trial was snappy and low profile in nature. The boy, Jimmy Lee Jun Hong was a promising and well-behaved student studying in a prominent primary school and had excelled both in studies and CCA. Poor Jimmy. Just what did he do that prompted the rather harsh sentence by the court. The answer; lemonade stand. According to sources obtained by this blog, Jimmy was said to have broken a few laws by setting up his lemonade stand on the pavement between Ang Mo Kio Avenue 2 and 3. Details were pretty sketchy at that point of time. Nevertheless, our reporter managed to coax out some answers and views from the authorities and the people who know Jimmy personally respectively after some painstaking efforts.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Spokesperson from the Singapore Police Force

The police received a tip off from an anonymous caller at approximately 10.45 a.m on Tuesday and wasted no time in apprehending Jimmy Lee Jun Hong. Jimmy in this case has broken 2 laws under section 663 and 664(a) of the Penal code…..I think. What did you say? No, not penis. It’s penal. That’s P-E-N-A-L. That’s right. Goodness. Anyway, the fact is, the police view the congregations of customers around Jimmy’s lemonade stand amounting to an unlawful assembly act. Not only this, motorists stopping their vehicles by the road to patronize Jimmy’s stand contributed to a massive jam between Ang Mo Kio avenue 2 and 3. Because of these, the police have no choice but to take Jimmy in. We arrested Jimmy with a clear conscience.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Spokesperson from the Environmental Public Health (National Environment Agency)

Whoa whoa who the hell are you? Why are you hiding behind that pot of plant? …Oh, so you want to ask about that case involving Jimmy Lee? I see. The case against him was very straight forward. Jimmy never apply for a hawker license. Period. Hah? Where did I get my haircut? My wife trimmed it for me. Why do you ask? Look like shit?! Kannenah! Yo security! Security, we have an intruder here!

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Spokesperson from the Singapore Land Authority

According to our records, the parcel of land that Jimmy operated his lemonade stand on belongs to the authority. This piece of evidence against him is indisputable. If Jimmy wanted to use the land in the first place, he should jolly well have submitted a tender for it. What’s that again? No, his age shouldn’t be used as an excuse. A crime is a crime. Shame on you for even suggesting it. And can I ask you a question? When was the last time you took a bath? Because you absolutely stink.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Koh Teck Leng. A soft-drinks vendor operating close to Jimmy’s lemonade stand.

Nabeh Jimmy. Serve him right. Why am I so mad? Of course must be mad lah. That boy actually undercut my business and caused my profit to dip by almost 20% during that one day his lemonade stand was up and running. Kudos to the authorities for moving in on him. For once I feel my tax money was well spend. Hello, can you stop putting your arm around my shoulder. Think what, friend friend hah?

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Peter Wong. The judge who presided over Jimmy’s trial.

Holy macaroni. You freak. You almost scared me to death! Don’t sprung on me like that again. What do you want? Oh, about that Jimmy boy is it? Ok, well after reviewing all the evidence against Jimmy Lee Jun Hong carefully, the court has sufficient ground to find him guilty of all charges and thereby sentenced him to 1-year probation in the boys’ home. No, I don’t think the sentence is too harsh. No, I haven’t tasted his lemonade before. Why the hell are you asking me that for? Yes we know Jimmy is a smart boy who had done well in school, CCA and blah blah blah. The truth is, this court doesn’t give a shit to all that. Let me just fill you in on a little secret. The authorities have actually amassed a large number of foreign talents, always ready to be granted a citizenship to replenish any Singaporean we jailed I tell ya. Hey, is it just me or do you smell something foul around here?

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Goh Tok Heng. Principal of a prominent primary school which Jimmy used to attend.

Jimmy? Jimmy who? We don’t have anyone by that name in this school. You got the wrong school my friend. Psst…You know, you should go try the school further down the street instead. That school has a reputation of churning out losers and social misfits. Don’t tell anyone I say one hah. Hmm…wonder why this room suddenly smells like kiam hee (salted fish).

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Xiao Hong. Chinese national from Hubei, China. Classmate of Jimmy whom he consistently beat in studies.

What do you want from me? I didn’t call the police. I know nothing ok……..Oh, you just want my opinion on Jimmy as a classmate. I see I see. Well, I must admit Jimmy was an extremely popular person in school, well liked by everyone. That bastard. Although he constantly relegates me to second spot in studies, I bear no grudges towards him. Only hatred. It is rather unfortunate to see Jimmy in such a predicament. It really pains my heart to see such a promising person thrown into a boys’ home. Only 1 year, damn it. I hope he can come out of it a stronger and better person. And I hope the public won’t chastise the girl who tipped off the police. She was just doing what any law-abiding person would do. Eh… not that I know the caller was really a girl in the first place lah. Haha. It was just an assumption you know. Maybe it’s a boy leh. Haha. Or an elderly. Haha……Can I go now?

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Mutu Ravisamy. Head warden of the boys’ home.

Don’t worry everybody. Jimmy is in good hands. Under our guidance and counseling, Jimmy will be rehabitated into a strait laced and responsible citizen in no time. For a start, we will be subjecting Jimmy to 3 months of intensive line-dancing lessons to make sure he will never ever step out of line from the rest again. Pardon? Yes yes, with all the costumes, boots, cowboy hat and everything. He will also be required to study that thick slab of “monster” called the Singapore Constitutions so that he will never break a single rule and regulation again. Pardon again? Of course there is an exam. What kind of a dumb question was that? Can I continue? Thank you. The program will then end with a state sponsored trip to Australia for all our boys. Over there, they will be given a glimpse of the pathetic lives exile opposition members are currently living. You know, just to shake these kids up a bit. To let them know this is what awaits them if they went against the system. What’s that you ask? No, we don’t have a preferred airline. No, we have no idea Valuair is currently having a promotion to Australia. You asked pretty weird questions, you know that? And by the way, go take a bath. You smell real bad.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Ah Fatt, a hawker selling dried bean curds at Pasir Panjang wholesale centre.

You again!

Advertisements

Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

An encounter with an African player Back from reservist

45 Comments Add your own

  • 1. phelan  |  March 22, 2005 at 5:29 am

    Almost had me fooled with the first sentence that the case is real. Still really funny(my fav is still the CNA thingy), really enjoyed the part regarding the classmate. hehe

    Reply
  • 2. Anonymous  |  March 22, 2005 at 6:09 am

    haha.. where did u find all those pictures? r they real??

    Reply
  • 3. Fat Fingers  |  March 22, 2005 at 7:04 am

    line dancing! hahaha

    The part on Xiao Hong was great! haha

    can’t wait for your next post!

    Reply
  • 4. Anonymous  |  March 22, 2005 at 7:29 am

    This is such mindless BS

    Reply
  • 5. suspiciousbastard  |  March 22, 2005 at 7:35 am

    Hahaha! Ah Fatt strikes back!

    Reply
  • 6. Anonymous  |  March 22, 2005 at 5:56 pm

    Just can’t stop laughing when i read Ah Fatt’s section. Makes me feel like reading all your previous posts again! Well done Cheeky!

    Reply
  • 7. Brose  |  March 22, 2005 at 8:39 pm

    Should do a “10 most famous person” on ur blog. I vote for Ah Fatt!!!

    Reply
  • 8. bugger  |  March 22, 2005 at 9:10 pm

    FUCK YOU

    Reply
  • 9. RazzleDazzled  |  March 23, 2005 at 12:32 am

    this is good stuff!

    more please :)

    Reply
  • 10. ah Boi  |  March 23, 2005 at 3:12 am

    nice one! u did ur homework!!!! *grinz*

    Reply
  • 11. Madish  |  March 23, 2005 at 5:32 am

    Yoz cheeky, love da way u inject humor along the way… I laugh out when i see Ah fatt again. U bring memories of ur past entries. But one thing i wonder, what is the thing about smelly bad and stuff?? Salted fish waahahha

    Reply
  • 12. Skye Bleu  |  March 23, 2005 at 7:26 am

    hey cheeky, great coverage again.. you should send this to CNA or something.. =)

    but i think you forgot to interview the people from the RCs.. i think it’s better to have some grassroots representation in there!! =D

    Reply
  • 13. Anonymous  |  March 23, 2005 at 8:10 pm

    Hey hey, s 149 of the PENAL CODE deals with unlawful assembly. and maybe you want to look at s 377 and s 377(a)? try http://statutes.agc.gov.sg/ at Cap number 224. :)

    Reply
  • 14. IING  |  March 23, 2005 at 11:36 pm

    YOz Cheeky, been reading ur posts for quite long. it’s really hilarious. But i think ur sense of humour is not fully “reflected” in this current posting.
    Anyway, welcome back.

    Reply
  • 15. cheeky  |  March 24, 2005 at 2:00 am

    hi guys, forgive me if i don’t always reply to your comments, sometimes I’m just too tired from work or too lazy.

    anon: most pictures were from geetyimage. If you look carefully, you’ll realised most of the pics are staged.

    madish: eh…because the reporter stinks.

    skye: i will next time.

    anon: 149 is it. Ok. I’m too lazy to check, what is 377?

    iing: hmm…maybe.

    Reply
  • 16. willowink  |  March 24, 2005 at 8:25 am

    Er, Ah Fatt looks like one of my distant relatives.

    Reply
  • 17. Zen|th  |  March 24, 2005 at 11:58 pm

    Oh no, there goes my plan on setting up a lemondade empire. Haha.

    Reply
  • 18. Claris  |  March 25, 2005 at 3:21 am

    He must have played too much Yahoo! Lemonade Tycoon

    Reply
  • 19. KwokSiong  |  March 25, 2005 at 6:02 pm

    oh my gosh. how do you keep coming up with ideas for blogging? haha. cool one

    Reply
  • 20. Daniel  |  March 25, 2005 at 9:51 pm

    people, you are missing the point of this entry. It is not meaningless humour.
    It is a satire on ‘entrepreneurship’ in S’pore, with zero tolerance for failure and no safety net.

    Reply
  • 21. Bubblemunche  |  March 26, 2005 at 1:00 am

    I find Ah Fatt disturbingly familiar when you first posted his pic a few entries back :D!

    Reply
  • 22. Anonymous  |  March 26, 2005 at 1:59 am

    Daniel: If there’s a safety net then it wouldn’t be called entrepreneurship, would it? You seem to have missed the meaning of entrepreneurship, which is that there is a very real possibility of losing everything in the course of pursuing your dreams. That is something no Government can change. And that is why 21st century Singapore has proportionately fewer entrepreneurs than say India or China or even Singapore in the past, because if you have a lot to lose, you tend not to want to take the risk.

    And as for tolerance for failure, I think our society has certainly become more open to the idea of failing and getting up again, at least our TV stations now often highlight cases of people who have fought back after adversity. Even the act of publishing stories about comeback kids who do well for their PSLE/ O/A levels, is, I am sure, a laudable attempt at encouraging people to take failure in their stride.

    Reply
  • 23. Daniel  |  March 26, 2005 at 5:56 am

    Woah, you jumped the gun. Nowhere in my post did I impart a value judgement to the Govt’s policy on entrepreneurship. I merely stated it as a fact. Nothing good or bad about it.
    I’m not going to be an entrepreneur myself, so I don’t really care.

    All I was doing was making the innuendo of Cheeky’s post privy to the readers. You agree with my analysis, don’t you?

    So, no need to get defensive about my post yea?

    Reply
  • 24. Anonymous  |  March 26, 2005 at 7:04 am

    Actually, the point of my response is that I do not.

    Reply
  • 25. Daniel  |  March 26, 2005 at 9:11 am

    I see, so Cheeky’s post was just mindless meaningless blabber to you.
    Fair enough.

    Reply
  • 26. Daniel  |  March 26, 2005 at 9:22 am

    although you could have made that point clearer at first, yea.

    Reply
  • 27. Anonymous  |  March 26, 2005 at 10:22 am

    Erm, my comments were directed at your comment, not the post.

    Reply
  • 28. Anonymous  |  March 26, 2005 at 10:24 am

    Just as you impartially stated that there is no safety net for entrepreneurs, I felt compelled to point out that entrepreneurs shouldn’t expect a safety net. As for a tolerance of failure, I think that a more open attitude towards failure is being cultivated.

    Reply
  • 29. Daniel  |  March 26, 2005 at 10:55 am

    Right. So I see that we are not in disagreement at all.

    Reply
  • 30. cheeky  |  March 26, 2005 at 7:36 pm

    anon: I see your point. Humour is pretty subjective. U either like it, hate it or absolutely don’t care a shit, but at the end of the day, it’s just a joke.

    Daniel: yah, it was a jab at entrepreneurship. But i didn’t really think too much about the underlying issues when I wrote it. I just wrote whatever was in my head.
    And when are you starting to blog again? Miss your insightful and controversial posts.

    Reply
  • 31. Bubblemunche  |  March 27, 2005 at 5:55 am

    Hold your breath people! I’m gonna stir shit!

    *Stirs shit*

    I think Daniel is a pretentious wannabe! Woohoo :D!!!

    Muahahahah…..

    *Calm One, if you’re reading this: Let’s stir shit together :D!*

    Reply
  • 32. Daniel  |  March 27, 2005 at 7:28 am

    Hi Bubblemunche, do I know you?

    Reply
  • 33. Anonymous  |  March 27, 2005 at 8:59 am

    377 deals with unnatural carnal intercourse, punishable with max jail term of 10 years, and 377A deals with gay sex, punishable up to 2 years. fodder for future posts yes?

    Reply
  • 34. squawkster  |  March 30, 2005 at 12:35 pm

    I like your humour. Suits me fine. Keep blogging.

    Reply
  • 35. Slinky Cat  |  March 30, 2005 at 6:49 pm

    Excellent post, love the sardonic, sly sense of humor.

    Reply
  • 36. wanni  |  March 30, 2005 at 11:10 pm

    Ah Fatt!! I feel like I know him. And Agugu too… haha

    Reply
  • 37. Anonymous  |  March 31, 2005 at 5:30 pm

    I guess I think the post is most related to the case of foreign talents in singapore who supposedly steal all our job opportunities. kinda like we’re always trying to get rid of them, and they, similarly wanna get rid of us… Oh… correct that.. we wanna get rid of you.. I’m a non-singaporean… muahahah so dun set up any lemonade stands ok ? I will lee-port you =p

    Reply
  • 38. audaciousjoy  |  March 31, 2005 at 9:54 pm

    “You again!!” : D
    I’ve become an Ah Fatt fan! Hopefully, there’ll be a spin-off for him in the works.

    Reply
  • 39. Kai  |  April 2, 2005 at 3:28 am

    wah..line dancing seh..who would have thought of that…smart eh..

    Reply
  • 40. calm one  |  April 4, 2005 at 3:21 am

    Bubblemunche: you go do your scatological stirrings yourself, thank you. and don’t blame me if u get yourself into deep shit! =)

    Reply
  • 41. wannable  |  April 5, 2005 at 3:17 am

    I S.I.M.P.L.Y loves you and your entry…

    Reply
  • 42. Anonymous  |  April 6, 2005 at 7:42 am

    … lamer..

    Reply
  • 43. Anonymous  |  April 7, 2005 at 12:34 am

    update can!!

    Reply
  • 44. Kelly Chan  |  April 8, 2005 at 3:23 am

    Cheeky!!!

    When is your next post??? I miss you!!!

    Reply
  • 45. Jo  |  April 11, 2005 at 9:35 pm

    Your ideas are so original and I love your wit!!! Haven’t read all ur entries yet but i will… one day…

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback this post  |  Subscribe to the comments via RSS Feed


March 2005
M T W T F S S
« Feb   Apr »
 123456
78910111213
14151617181920
21222324252627
28293031  

Flickr Photos


%d bloggers like this: