An encounter with an African player

March 16, 2005 at 3:28 am 26 comments

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Oh man, the new S-league season is upon us once again. Have you people noticed the great influx of African players into the game. Just visit some of the stadiums and you are bound to catch a few of them in action. Cheeky was out jogging at the stadium last week when he came across one S-league football team near the end of their training. There were a few African players on the field and cheeky thought it might be a good idea to get their autographs. You never know-given their talents- just how far some of these African players will rise on the world football stage. Cheeky noticed one particular player approaching the dug out and quickly went towards him.
Bad move. Our friend here, if you don’t know, has just been reprimanded by the coach for being too lax during training and was in a pretty foul mood.

Cheeky: Hi there bro, can I have your autograph?
African player: What’s that ya said?
Cheeky: I said can I have your autograph?
African player: No before that.
Cheeky: Hi there
African player: No after that
Cheeky: Bro
African player: Lemme just ask ya something. Were ya around me when the whole family was out there in Nigeria digging thro’ dirt looking for a sip of water?
Cheeky: …Eh no.
African player: Were ya around me when the whole family was out there in Nigeria fighting off the vultures for food?
Cheeky: …No
African player: And were ya anywhere around me when Papa got kicked in the groin by the rhino and had to has his swollen testicle removed?
Cheeky: …No.
African player: So don’t ya go all brotherly with me. Ya hear me?
Cheeky: Ok, I get it. I’m sorry. Can I please have your autograph?
Cheeky handed him a pen and a piece of paper.

African player: What’s this?
Cheeky: It’s a piece of paper for you to sign your name.
African player: No it isn’t. This is just a piece of scrap ya picked from the garbage bin. What’s the matter with ya. Just because I’m black ya think I don’t deserve a proper piece of paper? Is that what ya saying?
Cheeky: Whoa whoa steady friend.
African player: Just because I’m a few shades darker than ya, ya think I can just sign on any piece of shit? Is that what ya think? Well lemme tell ya something ya yellow piece of dung. Agugu ain’t taking no shit from anybody. Ya hear me? Ain’t taking no shit.
Cheeky: Ok ok. Why the hell do you get so work up for. Goodness.
African player: Oh, so black people can’t have a temper. Is that what ya trying to say. What do you take me for? A nigger who has to tend to your farm?
Cheeky: Hey I didn’t say that ok. You are out of your mind.
African player: Oh so now I’m a crazy nigger.
Cheeky: Look, I didn’t call you a nigger. And this piece of paper is not something I picked up the bin. I actually tore it from my autograph book ok.
African player: Oh tore from an autograph book. I see I see. A little segregation in place just in case a nigger’s autograph taint the whole book, is that what you mean?
Cheeky: ……
African player: Well lemme tell ya something you slant eyes bastard, Agugu didn’t come all the way here to get disrespected. Ya got me? Ain’t nobody goin to show Agugu any disrespect. Agugu ain’t goin to just stand around and get shove by you people, no no no. Cos when the clock struck twelve and the tide went low, the only one left standing will be Agugu Mutomobi looking down at the rest of all you pathetic ass. Oh yeah.
The African player grabbed the paper, cleared his throat and spitted on the paper

African player: Here’s your fucking autograph asshole.

And off he went to the dressing room. Just like that. If that’s anything you can learn from this episode, dear readers, it’s that never ask an autograph from a player who has just been fucked by his coach in front of dozens of joggers and children.

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Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

Off for a break Jimmy and his lemonade stand

26 Comments Add your own

  • 1. yuskwon  |  March 16, 2005 at 4:20 am

    is this a true story?

    Reply
  • 2. - w 3 n \/\/ u  |  March 16, 2005 at 4:55 am

    haha.. song bo

    Reply
  • 3. stoolie  |  March 16, 2005 at 5:40 am

    yey!!! u r back!

    Reply
  • 4. Fat Fingers  |  March 16, 2005 at 6:56 am

    yo Bro! Welcome back :D

    hahaha

    Reply
  • 5. calm one  |  March 16, 2005 at 7:12 am

    Lemme tell ya something, slant eyes, don’t ya think for one moment we niggers don’t know how to use the internet, ya got me? And don’t ya think for one moment that I can’t recognize ya on the streets. The next time I see ya, I’m gonna put the autograph on ya stinkin face!

    -Agugu

    Reply
  • 6. calm one  |  March 16, 2005 at 7:12 am

    shucks. forgot to change it to anonymous.

    Reply
  • 7. en  |  March 16, 2005 at 7:37 am

    hahaha. this is freakin hilarious. and youre finally back =)

    Reply
  • 8. hj  |  March 16, 2005 at 8:20 am

    haha agugu?
    just a coincident or is the name made up?

    Reply
  • 9. Joel  |  March 16, 2005 at 7:47 pm

    Yay!!!!!!

    Reply
  • 10. Bubblemunche  |  March 16, 2005 at 7:59 pm

    You’re finally back! Eagerly awaiting you very hilarious postings :)

    Reply
  • 11. Merenwen  |  March 17, 2005 at 3:16 am

    I’m laughing my freaking ass off!!!

    Cheeky, you’re good, maaaaan. Looks like the break was well worth it!

    Reply
  • 12. Claris  |  March 17, 2005 at 8:34 am

    haha. i like tt part about brotherly love. Nigeria? Lolx. So wickedly funny.

    Reply
  • 13. Claris  |  March 17, 2005 at 8:34 am

    This post has been removed by the author.

    Reply
  • 14. Brose  |  March 17, 2005 at 5:45 pm

    WADYAAAAAA!!! Wo Men Bu Shi Dong Ya Bing Fu!!!!!

    Reply
  • 15. gomugomu  |  March 17, 2005 at 10:13 pm

    Reminds me of the black dude character in the movie “The Animal” by Rob Schneider

    Reply
  • 16. Anonymous  |  March 17, 2005 at 11:29 pm

    i admit this is entertaining, but from the way conversation was conducted by the so-called african, it seems that he’s more of a african american (or is it the other way?) than a real african.

    Reply
  • 17. suspiciousbastard  |  March 18, 2005 at 3:59 am

    That’s damn funny. I guess I’ll never be as good as you.

    Reply
  • 18. ah Boi  |  March 18, 2005 at 6:31 am

    they say, getting an autographs from a any sports celebrities, while running or in the midst of their trainning, means u are asking for a disaster to happen…

    well, see!! hahahahah…

    by the way, im using Imesh.com. to dwld my desperate housewives series…

    Its good!!!

    Reply
  • 19. JanK  |  March 18, 2005 at 6:02 pm

    lols… you’re finally back! lols…

    xoxo Jank

    Reply
  • 20. Anonymous  |  March 18, 2005 at 6:47 pm

    wb

    Reply
  • 21. becca  |  March 18, 2005 at 6:59 pm

    hooray! you’re back! never mind the player, he’s just having a bad day. :)

    Reply
  • 22. TriplePeriod  |  March 19, 2005 at 5:34 pm

    He may be having a bad day but still this is no way to talk. Agugu, is that his real name? Hopefully this article gets “browned” and spreads all over the blogosphere. But then again, some(not all har) of these so-called professional players are often too rash to act without thinking of the consequences.

    Reply
  • 23. Zen|th  |  March 20, 2005 at 10:23 pm

    Hahaha. His bad performance must be due to his singular testicle.

    Reply
  • 24. the virgin undergrad  |  March 22, 2005 at 2:49 am

    haha, it wasn’t agu casmir was it?

    pls leh, nigerians aren’t even niggers, they’re africans. from what u described it seemed more like the harlem street nigga’ talk. but it was hilarious to say the least!

    Reply
  • 25. cheeky  |  March 24, 2005 at 4:13 am

    yes. You can catch agugu in action at potong pasir FC. He is playing for them.

    anon: he has been influenced by american shows while staying in s’pore.

    suspiciousbastard: don’t say like that lah. I visited your blog but was too lazy to post a comment.

    Wagawaga: ok thanks

    junyi: no. It’s not agu casmir.

    triplelord: true true

    Reply
  • 26. Jared  |  April 5, 2005 at 8:12 pm

    Now all that is left is your picture! Show your face whoever you are!!!

    Reply

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