Brand New Morning Show On Channelnewsasia

February 22, 2005 at 10:52 pm 55 comments

Brand New Morning Show

Richard Lui: Welcome everyone to a brand new morning show on Channelnewsasia.
Suzanne Jung: That’s right Richard. After months of contemplating and then revamping, we are proud to launch this new morning program aptly named “Wake Up your Fucking Ideas Singapore”. A name that’s sure to ring some resonance among our viewers.
Richard: In this revamped morning show, we’ll be discussing all the hot and controversial issues gripping the nation. We’ll also be inviting viewers to call in and share their views.
Suzanne: Talking about hot and controversial issue, the announcement by the government to consider setting up a casino is already polarizing the country into 2 distinct camps, each with their own arguments and views to be heard.
Richard: Yes, it is indeed refreshing to see a fierce debate happening right here in sterile Singapore. So what’s your own opinion on this issue Suzanne?
Suzanne: Who cares. I’m a Korean.
Both laugh heartily.

Richard: Our phone lines are now open to our viewers. If you have something to add to this casino issue, the number to call is 1900-66911-123……. And we have a caller on the line now. Hello?
Caller #1: Knock Knock.
Richard: Eh…. Who’s there?
Caller #1: Who
Richard: Who who?
Caller #1: Knock Knock.
Richard: Who’s there!?
Caller #1: Who.
Richard: Who who!?
Caller #1: Knock knock
Richard: Who’s the bloody fuck is there!?
Caller #1: Who.
Richard: WHO WHO!?
Caller #1: Can you please stop talking like an owl. Muahahahaha.
Caller hangs up.

Suzanne: That’s so retard.
Richard: Yah man. What’s that all about? Fucking bastard. Please do not make nuisance calls. We can and we will trace your calls ok and then we’ll wallop your face so seriously, your Mama will have trouble differentiating your face from your ass. We seem to have another caller on the line. Hello? Who’s there speaking?
Caller #2: Hello. Power 98 is it? I like to request a song for my beloved boyfriend Justin. I want to take this opportunity to tell Justin that I will always treasured the time we spend together and that I love him very much.
Suzanne spits on the floor.

Suzanne: May I know your name dear?
Caller #2: Cassandra.
Suzanne: Well Cassandra, you know what? Screw you. Screw you and your boyfriend. I’ll have you know that this is not a radio station but a multiple awards winning news network with millions of viewers tuning in to us at this moment throughout Asia. So please save your mushy gushy comment in the hotel room in Geylang. I’m sure it will come in more useful there.
Richard hi-five Suzanne.

Richard: Well said Suzanne. The thing that irks me most is to have someone calling into an inferior radio station requesting for a song. *Richard spits on the floor*. And the shameless guts to even call one which doesn’t belong to Mediacorp’s stable of radio stations.
Suzanne: Such sheer audacity. That bitch. Hope they contracted STD or something. Lets pick up another call. Hello? You there? You are on air now. Speaks up you wuss.
Caller #3: Oh hi, just to share my 2 cents worth about the casino issue.
Richard: Go ahead.
Caller #3: I think it’s regrettable that the government is considering allowing for the setting up of a casino. Don’t they know the severe social impact and the repercussions it would create, not to mention the eroding of our values. I think the government is stupid and should take this time to reflect on their action.
Richard: What’s your name sir?
Caller #3: Eric Lim.
Richard: Well, Mr Eric Lim, as a subsidiary of the Government, this network doesn’t take too kindly to criticisms of the government. Your call has been traced and your particular forwarded to the Home Affair Ministry. You will hear from the authority pretty soon. Have a nice day.
Line cut.

Suzanne: You know Richard, seems like we are not getting the kinds of calls we wanted. Lets just proceed to Paul for the market report. Morning Paul, so how’s the market doing today.
Paul Dekkers: Not good Suzanne. Not good at all. We are seeing a sharp increase in price on several fronts in the market. The bird flu that’s affecting Thailand and Vietnam right now, has a diverse impact on the market. For example, at Tekka wet market, the price of a whole chicken is standing at $5.00 per 1.1kg. A mark increase from just 2 weeks ago. Eggs are selling at 3 to 5 times their usual prices. Seng Choon eggs for example are retailing at $3.30 for a tray of ten.
Richard: I say, fuck Mr Seng Choon. What about fish. Has the tsunami affected the harvesting of fishes?
Paul: Good question Richard. Well the tsunami has not really affected the prices of fishes. Prices have remained surprisingly stable. Just to list a few, white pomfret is selling at $14.20, sea bass at $10.60 per kg and salmon gutted head at $40.50 per 4kg.
Suzanne: Sounds fishy to me. *Smile smugly at her supposedly clever use of pun* How about vegetables Paul. I’m a vegetarian.
Paul: Well Suzanne, if I’m you, I’ll be please to learn that baby kai lan is still selling at $1.30 per 200g, celery at $3.45/1.2kg, chye sim at $3.10/kg, kang kong at $2.70/kg, pek chye at $1.60/500g and phuay leng at $2.20/500g. Really not much changes from yesterday or the week before.
Suzanne: Ok thanks Paul. And that’s Paul Dekkers with the market report. I think we are coming close to the end of today’s edition of “ Wake Up Your Fucking Ideas Singapore”.
Richard: Oh my, how times fly. Anything to add Suzanne?
Suzanne: Nothing much. Just something that has been bugging me since I co-host this show with you.
Richard: And what will that be?
Suzanne: Why do you keep sitting with your legs so wide apart? They are almost 180 degrees spaced out.
Richard: What can I say. I’m very well endowed right down there.
Suzanne: Aiyoh, so naughty.
Both laughed like a pair of hyenas.

-FADE OUT-

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Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

Men in white short sleeve shirts, ties and black pants (MIWSSSTBP) Off for a break

55 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Ah 9  |  February 22, 2005 at 11:59 pm

    I can’t help it but laugh like a hyena too. WAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    tats such a wrapped version of the morning show…secretly i do like Suzanne….hee

    I wonder do they read blogs…or do they have their own blogs…if they do read ur entry…another media blog war!!! MUAHAHAHAHA!!!

    Reply
  • 2. shianux  |  February 23, 2005 at 12:45 am

    wuahhahahhahhhhwhahwhahwhawhhahwhahwhahww

    That’s it, I’ll have to kill you now. No one this funny should be allowed to live. You’re a menace to society, a weapon of mass destruction.

    You’ll make everyone laugh to death!!!

    Reply
  • 3. IING  |  February 23, 2005 at 1:11 am

    *Applaudes*

    U are simply one of a kind.
    Never run out of ideas.
    Cheerios

    Reply
  • 4. HunnyBunny  |  February 23, 2005 at 2:44 am

    You should have your own talkshow =P

    boingz**

    Reply
  • 5. ningx  |  February 23, 2005 at 3:12 am

    hmmmmmmmmmm……i don’t have ideas for the turn left turn right story but i sure do love your posts! you get that like all the time don’t you? Please keep writing! You make me laugh out loud literally and I tell my friends about the blog!

    Reply
  • 6. Claris  |  February 23, 2005 at 3:24 am

    HAHAHA.
    Gosh u really live up to your name!

    I love the last part. Muahahaha.

    I wonder if they do that in reality, watching talk shows or news wouldn’t be a boring affair afterall.

    Reply
  • 7. bLurrEd  |  February 23, 2005 at 3:57 am

    haha….another funny entry..but y use da name cassandra..my name leis..

    Reply
  • 8. lis  |  February 23, 2005 at 4:15 am

    I can’t believe it… someone can actually make me laugh out despite my awful arguement w my bf. U are good! Did u really go check out those prices in the market?? LOL

    lis

    Reply
  • 9. h3lix  |  February 23, 2005 at 4:28 am

    Oie how u know the price one. You do your own shopping in the morning? Lol. Nice creative blog there. Made my day.

    Reply
  • 10. becca  |  February 23, 2005 at 4:40 am

    Oh, wow….. I only have one thing to say;

    Cheeky, will you marry me!

    Haha.

    Reply
  • 11. Bubblemunche  |  February 23, 2005 at 5:08 am

    Quote:
    “Suzanne: Who cares. I’m a Korean.
    Both laugh heartily.

    MUUahuhHUHAUHU!! You’re a deranged genius :D! Can you marry me too?

    Reply
  • 12. Ah 9  |  February 23, 2005 at 5:11 am

    bubbly – i think you should write something even more hilarious…im seriously suspecting gals prefer humour over pai kia…….as cheeky proved it…he got a proposal!!

    Maybe you will get s…………….hahahahaha

    Reply
  • 13. mel  |  February 23, 2005 at 6:52 am

    Interestingly insane. (x

    Bravo.

    Reply
  • 14. Jeff! Lim  |  February 23, 2005 at 9:19 am

    hey, here’s a nomination of a story for u to parody – would u consider doing this?

    STi (“Straits Times interactive”) is no longer free… –
    http://forums.hardwarezone.com/showthread.php?p=13096392#post13096392

    Reply
  • 15. Zen|th  |  February 23, 2005 at 6:39 pm

    That was funny. Haha.

    I think Suzanne Jung is kinda cute though.

    Reply
  • 16. fiona  |  February 23, 2005 at 6:40 pm

    i don’t watch CNA but i think they’re just overrated . hilarious post btw :D

    Reply
  • 17. absolut perfection  |  February 23, 2005 at 10:02 pm

    haha!!! freaking hilarious!
    made my day! thanks

    Reply
  • 18. Anonymous  |  February 24, 2005 at 12:08 am

    ..you are a real talent!Thumbs up!

    Reply
  • 19. Fat Fingers  |  February 24, 2005 at 2:41 am

    hahahaha that’s so funny!
    i have to show my friends this! :D

    Reply
  • 20. Anonymous  |  February 24, 2005 at 3:35 am

    Nice fat ass

    Reply
  • 21. Anonymous  |  February 24, 2005 at 4:41 am

    cheeky, u are a genius!

    Reply
  • 22. Anonymous  |  February 24, 2005 at 6:44 am

    Cheeky, you are so damn good. What’s your name btw? I really would like you know you in person. Keep on writing!

    Reply
  • 23. Madish  |  February 24, 2005 at 6:50 am

    Know wad cheeky, ChannelNewsAsia keeps me awake on the bus every morning to class. (bo pian TVmobile always them in morn) But if only they were like wad u have make them out to be then i think it’ll be more entertaining for me on my way to sch man. Haha~~~

    Reply
  • 24. LovelyLolla  |  February 24, 2005 at 7:44 pm

    Marvellous! Hahaha, tt’s soo funny!

    Reply
  • 25. Anonymous  |  February 24, 2005 at 7:58 pm

    Hello,

    http://www.blogladder.com

    You are invited to join blogladder.com. There are dozens of color themes to choose from at the bottom of the home page. You will get lots of comments on your blog because it’s a community blogging site. There’s a blog ladder, an entry ladder and you can build your own blog ladder.

    Have a great day!

    Reply
  • 26. Ah 9  |  February 24, 2005 at 8:28 pm

    hey cheeky…

    check this out, Suzanne and Richard
    read it apparently and loving it.

    Comments from hereim sure u will be smiling like a jackal now…haaahhahhaa

    Reply
  • 27. TriplePeriod  |  February 24, 2005 at 8:56 pm

    I FUGING LOVE SUZANNE JUNG…
    SHE IS THE ONLY REASON WHY I BOTHER TO KEEP MY EYELIDS APART WHILE ON THE MORNING BUS.

    SUZANNE… IF YOU ARE READING THIS…. PLEASE MARRY ME!!!!!

    Reply
  • 28. ~Lala~  |  February 24, 2005 at 9:32 pm

    I am falling in love with u Cheeky….Haha…You are so darn funny I can drop all the guys in the world.

    Reply
  • 29. Ah 9  |  February 24, 2005 at 10:40 pm

    aiyoh…tsk tsk tsk…

    drop all the men in the world siah…

    HAAAA

    Reply
  • 30. ~Lala~  |  February 25, 2005 at 12:11 am

    YeaH yEaH!!
    Cheeky!Cheeky! Marry Me!!!

    Reply
  • 31. Anonymous  |  February 25, 2005 at 1:30 am

    hahahahahaha

    Reply
  • 32. Anonymous  |  February 25, 2005 at 1:44 am

    hahaha u re really funny n cheeky.

    u re like the ang moh version of wu zhong xian…

    keep on writing entries!!

    Reply
  • 33. JanK  |  February 25, 2005 at 7:21 am

    *claps*

    well done cheeky! i laughed like a hyena as well! ;p

    xoxo Jank

    Reply
  • 34. ah Boi  |  February 25, 2005 at 8:20 pm

    WICKED!!! hahahahahhahahah…

    i like the market report… its a total MARKER report!!!!!!! hahahahahhhahaha….

    Reply
  • 35. Daniel  |  February 26, 2005 at 8:55 am

    HAH! those are what I call educated bengs and lians.

    Reply
  • 36. suspiciousbastard  |  February 26, 2005 at 10:02 am

    Hae Hae Hae Hae Hae….

    Reply
  • 37. Brose  |  February 27, 2005 at 8:56 pm

    Ur Blog basically changed my mind about blogging and bloggers. So i have also started my own Blog. Need comments =) Flame/Hate/Love mail/comments also welcomed.

    Reply
  • 38. herprincess  |  February 28, 2005 at 1:38 am

    lolx. that is one good one(=

    Reply
  • 39. KwokSiong  |  March 1, 2005 at 7:05 pm

    your posts are simply hilarious. you are so creative!

    Reply
  • 40. ~Lala~  |  March 1, 2005 at 11:38 pm

    ooh cheeky..
    please post something new up soon..life’s terrible without you…colourless/odourless/lifeless….and by the way u haven agree to my proposal…

    Reply
  • 41. ~Lala~  |  March 1, 2005 at 11:38 pm

    ooh cheeky..
    please post something new up soon..life’s terrible without you…colourless/odourless/lifeless….and by the way u haven agree to my proposal…

    Reply
  • 42. Lala~  |  March 1, 2005 at 11:38 pm

    ooh cheeky..
    please post something new up soon..life’s terrible without you…colourless/odourless/lifeless….and by the way u haven agree to my proposal…

    Reply
  • 43. Lala  |  March 1, 2005 at 11:39 pm

    ooh cheeky..
    please post something new up soon..life’s terrible without you…colourless/odourless/lifeless….and by the way u haven agree to my proposal…

    Reply
  • 44. Lala~  |  March 2, 2005 at 1:33 am

    Cheeky, post something new quick!!! w/o you life is colorless/odourless/lifeless! And u haven’t response to my proposal!!

    Reply
  • 45. en  |  March 2, 2005 at 4:05 am

    omg lala~ are you desperate or smthg. haha.

    Reply
  • 46. Bubblemunche  |  March 2, 2005 at 4:19 am

    Update please :D!!! And Lala, I’m ahead of you in the queue lah! MUahUHAUHUH!!!

    Reply
  • 47. Anonymous  |  March 3, 2005 at 4:06 am

    Where’s Tinky Winky, Dipsy and Poe?

    Reply
  • 48. cheeky  |  March 3, 2005 at 4:42 am

    ah 9: they really read it? Should I be happy?
    shianux: please dun kill me.
    blurred: sori, I didn’t know.
    h3lix/lis: yes. Beneath that cheeky exterior is a SNAG.
    soccersalvaged/lala: if u dun mind being my concubines, sure.
    bubble: now now,cool down boy b4 both of us did something we’ll regret for the rest of our lives.
    jeff: no ideas leh.
    brose: welcome to the blogsphere dude.

    Reply
  • 49. Anonymous  |  March 5, 2005 at 7:56 am

    cool

    Reply
  • 50. Anonymous  |  March 9, 2005 at 4:59 pm

    Read this late, but it is a damn funny piece. Had to control myself in the office…

    Pity that your info already captured by home affairs and will be seizing your CPU soon. :)

    Ah, the dangers of blogging in singapore waters…

    BH

    Reply
  • 51. The Facetious Cap'n Intrepid  |  March 10, 2005 at 5:53 pm

    clap clap clap… Prime Time Boring won’t be the same again… But be careful. Wait richard come and hum dum you with his big… er… muscles!

    Reply
  • 52. Anonymous  |  April 11, 2005 at 7:25 am

    i tried not to laugh but it was impossible! hahaha amazing job dude. keep my tears flowing. =P

    Reply
  • 53. aud  |  July 18, 2005 at 1:53 am

    i giggle uncontrollably everytime i read this… yep.. this is the dunno-how-many-10th time i’m reading this…

    *snigger*

    Reply
  • 54. ah mei  |  November 17, 2005 at 4:51 am

    you are one funny dude! Can’t wait to read the rest of your jokes

    girlof

    girlofmay.blogspot.com

    Reply
  • 55. news  |  January 11, 2006 at 6:20 am

    ahaha market report lol

    Reply

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