Men in white short sleeve shirts, ties and black pants (MIWSSSTBP)

February 18, 2005 at 4:24 am 31 comments

Note: This entry is not meant to be offensive. Please read it with an open mind. If you are still offended in any way, the writer would like to offer his humble backside as an apology.

Have you guys seen any ang mohs clad smartly in white short sleeve shirts, ties and black pants walking in a group of two or three around Toa Payoh central lately. Well, for your info, they are not salesmen or IT personnel. They are actually from a church that is based oversea, preaching their religion to passers-by. Cheeky didn’t know that until he was approached by one on his way to his parents’ home. Actually it was the first time anyone ever approached cheeky to preach about God. Don’t know why, but cheeky thinks it’s because he got a ‘horny’ appearance thus most preachers instantaneously deemed him to be satanic upon seeing him. This particular ang moh guy blocked cheeky in his way and strike up a conversation.

Alex: Hi, how are you?
Cheeky: Not good, groin area damn itchy.
Alex: Eh… ok, my name is Alex, what’s yours?
Cheeky: Cheeky.
Alex: Nice name. Do you have a religion?
Cheeky: I’m a free thinker. Please do not discriminate against me.
Alex: Of course not. *suddenly leaning very closely* I say, are you available by any chance?
Cheeky instinctively placed his hands behind his backside

Cheeky: I’m not gay. You fucking perv.
Alex: Haha, sorry. What I mean is, are you available for a chat?
Cheeky’s hands still clutched tightly to his butt.

Cheeky: What for?
Alex: To let you know more about God.
Cheeky: Which one? Tua Pei Gong or Tee Gong
Alex: Hah?
Cheeky: Hah what? My mom told me that these 2 are very powerful gods and can kick a lot of ass ok.
Alex: Haha. No, no. The God I’m going to talk to you about is the one mention in the bible
Cheeky: Oh, I see. Well, it depends on your sincerity.
Alex: Eh… can you define it for me?
Cheeky: I’m quite hungry. If you are really sincere, maybe you can buy me dinner and then we can talk it over the meal.
Alex’s face contorted slightly as if he kena stroke.
Alex: Eh… ok.

So being a native, cheeky spared no effort in bringing a foreigner to the best food in Toa Payoh that money can buy. He brought Alex to Crystal Jade to sample all the mouth-watering cuisines.

Alex: Eh… I thought we are going to a hawker center or fast food restaurants.
Cheeky: *chuckle* Oh Alex Alex, I didn’t know your sincerity is so cheap. *chuckle some more* Aiyah, never mind lah. Anyway nice meeting you. *pretend to leave*
Alex: No no wait wait. I’m just joking. Hahaha.

With that, we proceed into the restaurant, ordered and began tucking into some expensive and delightful Cantonese dishes. In between mouthfuls of shark fins and abalones, cheeky have in depth discussion with Alex on God and the teaching of the bible. However, Alex seemed to be pre-occupied with something else.

Cheeky: Alex, are you okay?
Alex: Oh, yah yah, I’m fine. So are we done?
Cheeky: You know, there’s this passage in the bible that I’m quite confuse about. Why not we discuss it further over desserts. There’s this durian pudding that this restaurant is famous for, so I was thinking of ordering a few bowls and maybe tapao an additional dozen for my family. You don’t mind hor.
Alex: ……….
Cheeky: Yo Alex, you there?
Alex: Yah yah. Feel free to order anything.
Cheeky: Thanks Alex. You are the best preacher ever.
Alex: You are welcome. Don’t mind me, but I’ll like to visit the restroom first.
Cheeky: Sure, go ahead.

Cheeky don’t know what happened to Alex, but that was the last time he ever saw him. Cheeky was feeling pretty indignant about being left waiting in the restaurant like a fool and having to pay for the meals. Oh Alex, why did you do such a thing? Cheeky was almost near to being converted by you, if only you have bought the durian puddings and help to foot the bill. You cut me deep Alex, real deep. So deep in the pockets that Cheeky has to munch on bread/biscuits and plain water for the next few weeks. Please everyone, if you ever see an ang moh wearing white short sleeve shirt, black pants, a tie and carrying a black haversack walking around Toa Payoh central, feel free to give him a kick in the ass. Cheeky would feel most appreciated. And by the way Alex, if you happen to be reading this, cheeky still has the receipt from the restaurant with him.

P.S. Calm one has been hounded by chicks who think he looks like Jay Chou. The poor guy is feeling damn stress because of it. As a responsible netizen, cheeky feels that it’s only right that he helps a fellow blogger. So to all the chicks who have been pestering calm one, please leave him alone. If you want, you can harass cheeky. No need to thank me calm one, it’s all in a day’s work for cheeky. In case you are wondering, cheeky really resembles Jay Chou a lot, but only on Tuesday and Thursday. For the rest of the week he resembles Takeshi Kaneshiro and maybe Won Bin on a Sunday.

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31 Comments Add your own

  • 1. DLAK  |  February 18, 2005 at 5:28 am

    http://www.freewebs.com/smallcows/
    WE ARE WATCHING.

    Reply
  • 2. Anonymous  |  February 18, 2005 at 5:51 am

    You might have just met the Mormons…they usually go eveangelizing in pairs (2 or 3)..they are always very polite and friendly and neatly dressed…the Mormons are not Christians

    Reply
  • 3. redrown  |  February 18, 2005 at 6:56 am

    Mmm…The Angel Moroni! All hail Joseph Smith and the Church of da Latter day Saints!

    Reply
  • 4. shianux  |  February 18, 2005 at 6:56 am

    The Mormons tend to be nicer than Christians of the Evangelical and Charismatic variety.

    Reply
  • 5. Lili  |  February 18, 2005 at 8:12 am

    but..but.. but cheeky i prefer brad pitt or tom cruise leh.. is there any way you can *ahem* accomodate? hahah!

    anyway i think i saw MIWSSSTBP before too, talking to this poor guy. was it you? oh cant be, its a tues and he doesn’t look like jay chou.

    lol =]

    Reply
  • 6. Yours starrily  |  February 18, 2005 at 9:12 am

    I met them on the MRT and Tampines Mall!

    It was weird how they spoke to a guy who just stepped into the MRT. Like zero in on him. He was shocked to say the least!

    A tad too over-friendly, and it scares me..

    Reply
  • 7. h3lix  |  February 18, 2005 at 9:22 am

    Eh wat u had at crystal jade ah. anything nice or not

    Reply
  • 8. Shion  |  February 18, 2005 at 8:35 pm

    My encounter with them was when I’m 16 years old.

    I have a 3 hours talk to them in my house.

    After that, they never came back.

    Hmmm … must be something I said.

    Reply
  • 9. Anonymous  |  February 18, 2005 at 9:40 pm

    Sometimes u gotta admire these guys for their persistence.. Man, if I had that kind of determination for my studies I would be a top scholar.

    Reply
  • 10. Ah 9  |  February 19, 2005 at 2:01 am

    they are rather courteous…but somehow the gay-dar keeps going off… :P

    Reply
  • 11. Li An  |  February 20, 2005 at 12:44 am

    Heh, does Alex really exist? Coz if you really did that the poor guy, his mates will probably hunt you down! Mormons, Mormons!

    Reply
  • 12. Zen|th  |  February 20, 2005 at 2:15 am

    Hmm.. I haven’t met a mormon before, but I think it would be interesting meeting one.

    Reply
  • 13. Bubblemunche  |  February 20, 2005 at 7:31 am

    I’m offended! So when can I have your backside :)?

    Muahahha… anyway, you appeared on the latest anti-drug advert leh! The one about the pai kias one :D!

    Reply
  • 14. Daniel  |  February 20, 2005 at 10:47 am

    yea Cheeky has lots of tattoos!

    These missionaries, be they Mormons or orthodox Xtians, always talk with a stony glaze in their eyes…that kinda disturbs me.
    I’ve spoken to a few, so I’d know.
    And I’ve always managed to repell them by asserting my beliefs strongly. They’re never prepared for intelligent debate.

    Btw, I’ve heard from a reliable source that they get paid commission for every person they manage to bring to their church, even higher if the subject is a Muslim.

    Reply
  • 15. cheeky  |  February 20, 2005 at 6:46 pm

    anon/redrown/shianux: jeez, the world is already complicated enough, what the fuck do we have so many different branches of religions sprouting out every few years.
    lili: aiyoh, their faces getting saggy u know.
    starrily: i agree
    h3lix: everything good and ex.
    shion: got good tips must share mah.
    anon: they are quite young. 19/20 years old.
    9: how come never see gals preaching hah?
    li an: nah, they look frail. I can wallop them with just one hand.
    zen|th: take a walk around toa payoh central.
    bubble: wait hor, lemme exfoliate my backside 1st. The pai kia not me lah, doesn’t even look like won bin, takeshi or jay chou.
    daniel: get paid! this is audacious.

    Reply
  • 16. Ah 9  |  February 21, 2005 at 12:22 am

    u know wat? now that u mentioned…i do remember…2 days ago…2 women approached me asking for some time to listen to their Buddhist preachings…

    told them not free siam all the way too…

    seem they are from China…or even worse Falungong!! hahahah

    Reply
  • 17. h3lix  |  February 21, 2005 at 2:09 am

    i like the congee best :P haha

    Reply
  • 18. DannyWatt  |  February 21, 2005 at 5:18 am

    What’s up cheeky, looked like you met yourself some mormons. a cult hahahaha. No worries man, if i see them, i’ll give them a kick, nono, 2 kicks, one for me, and one for you!

    met a couple of them b4, very stressful haha, even though i’m a christian

    Reply
  • 19. DannyWatt  |  February 21, 2005 at 5:18 am

    This post has been removed by the author.

    Reply
  • 20. DannyWatt  |  February 21, 2005 at 5:18 am

    This post has been removed by the author.

    Reply
  • 21. ~Free . Soul~  |  February 22, 2005 at 12:37 am

    haha well done cheeky, only if you managed to get the ang moh to pay for the meal…

    Reply
  • 22. Hermit  |  February 22, 2005 at 2:14 am

    firstly, i wonder if cheeky really did that.

    secondly, if cheeky really did it, paid for the food at crystal jade…
    well… serve cheeky right for the ill-thoughts in the first place.
    can i laugh at u first?
    muahahahahhahaha!
    and i guess the “gonna convert” part was purely a lie.

    thirdly… hah! still thinks that you exaggerated too much.

    good try.

    Reply
  • 23. cheeky  |  February 22, 2005 at 6:51 am

    eugene: all my posts shouldn’t be taken too seriously. Most of it are mixes of facts and fictions, u do know that right. I mean just by reading it, everyone would have guess as much.

    Reply
  • 24. ningx  |  February 22, 2005 at 7:17 am

    when you going to continue the turn left turn right story ah? :)

    Reply
  • 25. Hermit  |  February 22, 2005 at 9:31 am

    yes cheeky! of coz!
    hmm… but will you ever try it?
    maybe someday? hehe!

    Reply
  • 26. cheeky  |  February 23, 2005 at 12:24 am

    ningx: dear ningx, cheeky not feeling really inspired to finish it. Care to give some pointers? Maybe bubblemunche would like to finish it. That fellow very good with words.

    Reply
  • 27. Anonymous  |  February 27, 2005 at 2:08 am

    i tell you what lah dei, christians fucking suck. no offense, but they bloody despo to spread their stupid religion. if not the real thing then don’t dream lah. so smart go settle with john paul II lor. bloody hell.. come and ka chiao people only. nahbeh/

    Reply
  • 28. Anonymous  |  July 19, 2005 at 2:50 am

    Just want to clarify that Mormons are Christians… So does that mean Presbyterians or others are not Christians?

    Reply
  • 29. Anonymous  |  September 30, 2005 at 12:44 am

    Mormons are NOT Christians. They’re not even supposed to be going around preaching! If I see them I am going to ask those 2 buddhist women to stuff their falungong “scriptures” down their throat.

    Btw, haha, I have nothing to do with falungong or mormons.

    Reply
  • 30. another kiasu singaporean  |  September 30, 2005 at 12:48 am

    Hey btw, where is the mormon church ah? Really got commission ah?

    Reply
  • 31. Kerine  |  November 25, 2005 at 10:24 am

    ahaha! Well once, I decided to be mean to those ppl who tried to preach me..

    Preacher: Hi sister, I’m here to talk about God. I’m trying to help you here so you can go to heaven after life.
    Me: But I’m Satanic. You wanna hear about mine?
    Preacher: *immediately face off* You’ll burn in hell! *and walks off*

    hmm I thot all Mormon churches have been shut down by the authorities? Mormons are liable to being jailed here yea?

    Reply

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