A letter to Aunt Agony on Valentine’s Day

February 14, 2005 at 4:17 am 24 comments

Dear Aunt Agony,

I’m feeling utterly miserable today as it is Valentine’s Day. This is the eight straight year that I’m spending it alone since my boyfriend left me for another guy. This whole Valentine thingy irritates me to no end. The sight of lovey dovey couples whispering sweet nothing to each other while walking down the streets make my blood boils to 240 Fahrenheit and still rising. The smell of roses everywhere I turn make me feel like shredding them to bits with my nicely sharpened manicure nails. Sometimes I have half a mind of grabbing one of those women totally smitten in love by the hair and giving her two tight slaps because I’m so fill with envy and jealousy. If Saint Valentine is alive today, I will skin him alive, drive a steel rod up his ass and through his mouth, brush him with Da Hua barbecue sauce and roast him slowly over a hot sizzling fire and share the finished products with fellow Valentine’s haters. Does Aunt Agony hates Valentine’s Day by any chance?

Yours Sincerely
Maria

Dear Maria,

Yes, I totally feel your pain. I really do. I hate Valentine’s Day too. Every Valentine’s, scores of men and fancy cars will be queuing right outside my condominium hoping to snag a date with me, thus causing the notorious traffic jam along Scotts road often seen on TV. I will be bombarded with complaints by neighbors and the traffic police, with threats to charge and sue me. My answering machine will almost always go bust due to overwhelming messages requesting for a date. Every where I go, men will be holding up their placards proclaiming their love and admiration for me, thereby embarrassing me further. Because of all these, I become the target of hatred of every woman in Singapore every 14th of Feb. Not that it only happen once in a while, but the situation get extremely worse on Valentine’s Day. Even as I’m typing this, bouquets of flowers are being delivered to my apartment at the rate of one every 5 minutes. As much as my apartment is posh and spacious, there’s a limit to how much flowers it can accommodate. You know, sometimes in the middle of the night, I will sit alone in my room, cry and lament why me. Why can’t they leave me alone? What is it about me that men can’t get enough of? What is so desirable about me that cause men to queue outside for hours under the hot sun just to catch a glimpse of me? This whole Valentines thingy is causing me much stress and traumas. I simply can’t get any work done because my routine will be abruptly disrupted on this day. Dear Maria, I share your anguish and despair and I hope through this letter, you will realize that there are people worst off than you on Valentines Day – example, being yours truly- and I hope you can find the courage and strength to go through this treacherous period.

Yours Sincerely
Aunt Agony

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Cheeky was a forum guest Men in white short sleeve shirts, ties and black pants (MIWSSSTBP)

24 Comments Add your own

  • 1. yuskwon  |  February 14, 2005 at 4:30 am

    GOOOOD ONE!!!!

    Reply
  • 2. h3lix  |  February 14, 2005 at 4:43 am

    Vday is a day for guys to show off. Posh resturants. Expensive gifts. Doh.

    Reply
  • 3. Lili  |  February 14, 2005 at 4:59 am

    WOW. i can so see why she is in agony and i’m absolutely glad to be able to share some of it. hahhaa… BTW… SHE IS NOT MAKING MARIA FEEL A BIT BETTER!

    Reply
  • 4. FF  |  February 14, 2005 at 5:16 am

    OOOHHHH nasty!!

    Reply
  • 5. Jayaxe  |  February 14, 2005 at 6:25 am

    No wonder called Aunt Agony. Make people agony only!!

    Reply
  • 6. MelTee  |  February 14, 2005 at 7:47 am

    agonising entry.

    but being single is a declaration of independence. (:

    you have a wonderful blog.

    Very very very enlightening.

    Reply
  • 7. Bubblemunche  |  February 14, 2005 at 7:52 am

    Say, can you arrange a date with Aunt Agony for me :)? I think she might like nerds :)

    Reply
  • 8. Anonymous  |  February 14, 2005 at 8:42 am

    Wah.

    I want to kill Aunt Agony, then jump down the building.

    http://www.xanga.com/jieling00

    Reply
  • 9. jh  |  February 14, 2005 at 7:03 pm

    aunty agony..knn..

    Reply
  • 10. Ah 9  |  February 15, 2005 at 3:31 am

    the irony…hehe

    Reply
  • 11. KwokSiong  |  February 15, 2005 at 4:15 am

    great post!

    Reply
  • 12. jh  |  February 15, 2005 at 7:20 am

    hey btw can i link u?

    Reply
  • 13. Claris  |  February 15, 2005 at 8:50 am

    Maria of course no bf lah.

    Since when u see filipino maid loiters
    the streets of orchard on a MONDAY?

    No need to work meh?

    Reply
  • 14. JellyGirl  |  February 15, 2005 at 6:54 pm

    Teehee I would love to feel Aunt Agony’s urm agony!

    Reply
  • 15. ei|een  |  February 15, 2005 at 9:06 pm

    wah.. aunt agony damn chek ark.. heh.

    Reply
  • 16. JanK  |  February 15, 2005 at 10:12 pm

    lol…Valentine’s day is a good day to make money. loads of cash. Maria has no suitors for 8 yrs. Aunt Agony has so many men after her. ahhh.. the irony.

    xoxo Jank

    Reply
  • 17. cheeky  |  February 16, 2005 at 12:10 am

    lili: yah man. That bitch.
    h3lix: no. it’s for rich guys to show off.
    madam mel: thanky u
    bubble: I can try. Can u give her 2 tight slaps if u see her?
    jieling: aiyoh, dun need to jump down lah. a few blows to her face will do.
    jh: haha, my sentiment exactly. sure.
    claris: now now, lets not discriminate maria because of her name. Maria is actually eh.. a foreign talent.
    eileen: like i say, she’s a bitch.

    Reply
  • 18. dysfunctional adel.g  |  February 16, 2005 at 12:27 am

    Lol..gr8 post but aint aunt agony jus a li’l bit too hypocritical here?haha.. no offence lah..=)

    Reply
  • 19. en  |  February 16, 2005 at 2:05 am

    hhahaa this is damn funny shit. good one, cheeky (:

    Reply
  • 20. ah Boi  |  February 16, 2005 at 5:49 am

    valentines day is a show off day… for those who have a relationship… i jus hate that!

    Reply
  • 21. Anonymous  |  February 16, 2005 at 8:01 am

    hello. been following yr blog since my fren recommend. Well, i must say i quite like it. And after reading ur past posts, i dreamt of ix shen acting as banana in pyjamas. -_-

    Reply
  • 22. Denise  |  February 17, 2005 at 6:30 am

    that is very evil.. haha

    Reply
  • 23. Zen|th  |  February 17, 2005 at 7:17 pm

    Are you sure Aunt Agony hasn’t been sacked yet after giving a reply like that? Hahaha.

    Reply
  • 24. wipegut  |  August 9, 2006 at 8:45 am

    Here are some links that I believe will be interested

    Reply

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