Investigation into Taupoking

January 12, 2005 at 8:19 pm 30 comments

A piece of taupok. Who would have thought that it could caused so much controversy. With the complaint of a parent whose son is studying in a premier school located somewhere in the Bishan-Ang Mo Kio area, cheekybynature dive deep into this fiasco to find out what the hell is taupoking? What are its long-term consequences? Do the students from the premier school located somewhere in Bishan-Ang Mo Kio area have nothing better to do? Are all the students from the premier school located somewhere in the Bishan-Ang Mo Kio area aware of the dangers taupoking bring to the victims?


A student studying in the premier school located somewhere in the Bishan-Ang Mo Kio area, who wanted to known only as Chris.

Reporter: So Chris, tell me. Why is the game call Taupok. Why not Kway Teow or Bak Chor Mee?
Chris: Well according to my seniors, the game was originally called “Touch Ball”. A term coined in American football. However we decided to call it “taupok” to give it a local flavor. Reporter: Are there any safety precautions we need to adhere to when indulging in taupoking?
Chris: Ok, for a start, we do not taupok fat people or anyone with BO. We’re just gonna to make life difficult for ourselves by doing that. Also, it is advisable for guys not to wear boxer shorts and for gals to wear a good bra. Taupoking is a physical and rigorous activity, you wouldn’t want your balls or boobs to be flying all over the places. Always make sure you stay away from the victim’s legs. A mean kick sustained could render you ineligible for the A level for quite a few months.
Reporter: So taupoking can take place anytime and anywhere?
Chris: Yes, taupoking can take place when you least expected. Even when……TAUPOKKK!!!!!!!!!!
Reporter kena taupok by students.


A victim of taupoking, who used to study in the premier school located somewhere in the Bishan-Ang Mo Kio area and wanted to be known only as Alan.

Reporter: So Alan, tell me, what happened that day?
Alan: It was awful……I was minding my own business when………I’m sorry.
Reporter: It’s ok. Take your time.
Long Pause

Alan: I was walking along the corridor minding my own business when suddenly, someone shouted TAUPOK.
Reporter: And then?
Alan: The next thing I knew, fatso Tan and big ass Chong from S5A were sitting on top of me with a couple of other guys. Then I passed out. When I woke up, I was in the hospital.
Reporter: Did you suffer any serious injuries?
Alan: A few of my ribs were broken. I stayed in the hospital for 3 weeks and underwent physiotherapy for another 3 months. I also have counseling sessions thrice a week to help me get over the trauma.
Reporter: Have your life change in anyway after that fateful day.
Long Pause

Alan: I can never look at a piece of taupok the same way again. My mom has to remove all pieces of taupoks before I can tuck into my favorite bowl of Laksa.
Reporter: Do you bear any grudges towards your peers?
Bloody long pause again

Reporter: Do you bear any grudges towards your peers?
Alan: No. But I would have loved the gals to taupoked me instead.


A statement from the Ministry of Education:

The ministry is taking a serious view into the incident. We wish to reassure the public, especially the parents, that the incident happened only within the premises of the premier school located somewhere in the Bishan-Ang Mo Kio area. It is an isolated incident and there is no cause for alarm. However, as a safeguard, the ministry has send personnels down to the school to investigate the matter. We also have experienced counselors on hand to counsel the affected students and teachers. All those involved in “Taupoking” have been rounded up and interrogated. A few have been short listed and drafted into the combined school rugby team where they can utilize their talents in a better way.


Dr Pang, a psychiatrist with the Institute of Mental Health.

Reporter: In your opinion, why did the students come up with a stupid game like taupoking?
Dr Pang: Being premier has its price to pay you know. My years of experience tell me that the students studying in that premier school located somewhere in the Bishan-Ang Mo Kio area have enormous stress and frustrations inside them. They needed an outlet to vent it all out, that’s probably why they invented this taupoking game.
Reporter: Dr Pang what are the signs to look out for in a victim who has been subjected to taupoking?
Dr Pang: First of all, the victim will experience withdrawal symptom. It is best to leave the victim alone in the initial stages. The victim will also display an utter disgust towards anything made of soybeans.
Reporter: Is there anything that could help to lessen the trauma or anything that could speed up the recovery?
Dr Pang: I think that it would be wise for the family of the victim to remove anything at home that have a slight resemblance to a taupok. For example, Spoongebob Squarepants cartoons and any TV programs with Mark Lee in it should be barred. Group activities, especially those that require close proximity should be avoided at all cost. The road to recovery will be long and treacherous, it would be good if the family can participate in counseling sessions with the victims to lessen their pain and be more accommodating and understanding toward the victim’s needs.


Ah Fatt, a hawker selling dried bean curds at Pasir Panjang wholesale centre.

Reporter: Tell me Ah Fatt, has the taupoking incident affected your business in any way? Ah Fatt: Hah?
Reporter: I said, has the taupoking incident affected your business in any way?
Ah Fatt: Simi Lan Jiao?
Reporter: No. Not Lan Jiao, it’s taupok.
Ah Fatt: Pok your head lah pok. Go away lah cheebye, I very busy lah.

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JC Orientation One of the many reasons why China will rise to become a superpower in the world.

30 Comments Add your own

  • 1. -[mY.AnGeL]-  |  January 11, 2005 at 9:52 pm

    Lolx u rawk man..shoo funny!!!
    Kinda like Ah Fatt. Dunno why. Lolx!
    Carry On the humour~

    Reply
  • 2. Anonymous  |  January 11, 2005 at 10:12 pm

    sibei hilarious lah you.

    solsetur

    Reply
  • 3. HunnyBunny  |  January 11, 2005 at 10:47 pm

    ahahaahahahah! Really good one there! Adding the pictures in was great! ahhh.. i cant stop laughing! *gasp*

    Reply
  • 4. rysolag  |  January 11, 2005 at 10:51 pm

    new blog site:

    http://WWW.BLOGLADDER.COM

    Reply
  • 5. Zeomy  |  January 12, 2005 at 1:48 am

    U really had me in stitches! Rock on! :D

    Reply
  • 6. JanK  |  January 12, 2005 at 3:02 am

    I like this line, “I think that it would be wise for the family of the victim to remove anything at home that have a slight resemblance to a taupok. For example, Spoongebob Squarepants cartoons and any TV programs with Mark Lee in it should be barred.” hahhaa. I read what you wrote, then i thought about Mark lee. Oh well.. his skin.. just like dried tau pok. lol. love your post. *thumbs up*

    xoxo Jank

    Reply
  • 7. Bubblemunche  |  January 12, 2005 at 4:11 am

    Wah lau!! Mauahuauha…. You are the Number One Taupok :D!

    Reply
  • 8. ah Boi  |  January 12, 2005 at 4:43 am

    hahah.. ok, i learnt a new word today….
    last time, we played KEROPOK!!!
    where all the guys will surround a guy and start hitting him with their bare hands…

    never learnt abt taupok!!!!

    but sounds alike, now dont they??? hgahahahahha

    Reply
  • 9. Fat Fingers  |  January 12, 2005 at 5:20 am

    HAHAHAHA that’s really hilarious!

    I will never look at Taupok the same way again…

    Reply
  • 10. silveryarn  |  January 12, 2005 at 6:25 am

    haha i feel like eating taupok now.

    Reply
  • 11. snowystars  |  January 12, 2005 at 6:32 am

    hahahaha … how come no interview with the parent whose son is studying in a premier school located somewhere in the Bishan-Ang Mo Kio area? i’m pretty sure he has lots to comment. =P

    Reply
  • 12. alice  |  January 12, 2005 at 6:55 am

    was listening to the FM 98.7 and heard them
    saying this too.ha.Anyway, nowadays teenagers have
    lotsa exciting games .gogogo!

    Reply
  • 13. Daniel  |  January 12, 2005 at 7:34 am

    you are getting better and better I tell ya…

    Reply
  • 14. Anonymous  |  January 12, 2005 at 9:29 am

    Read many past entries of your blog, farnee dude man.. more more more!!

    Btw, I notice a lot of ‘irrelevant’ links in ur paragraphs like “accommodating” in this entry, etc.. I think your internet explorer kena spyware le.

    I search for “searchmiracle spyware” and got a lot of results..
    http://forums.majorgeeks.com/archive/index.php/t-39885.html

    Take care.

    Keat

    Reply
  • 15. Zen|th  |  January 12, 2005 at 10:50 am

    Hahaha. I want to get taupoked by gals too. :P

    Reply
  • 16. JellyGirl  |  January 12, 2005 at 5:17 pm

    Hahaha brilliant. Have been lurking in your site for a bit now, but finally thought I’d say somefing.

    Reply
  • 17. becca  |  January 12, 2005 at 8:22 pm

    I cannot convey how tickled my bones were at ur incredible sense of humour. I can only say good job, and indeed you live up to ur name, cheeky as it is.

    Love the hawker response loads btw.

    Reply
  • 18. Yours starrily  |  January 12, 2005 at 9:30 pm

    Wahaha. My bro is in the same school as the boyboy studying in a premier school located somewhere in the Bishan-Ang Mo Kio area, and he got taupoked too. LOL.

    Reply
  • 19. cheeky  |  January 13, 2005 at 12:23 am

    myangel: ah fatt is married.
    solsetur: u too
    hunnybunny: don’t get cramps.
    rysolag: thanks, but i’ll give it a pass.
    zeomy: woohoo
    jank: yes, u are right. Clever u.
    bubble: no lah, u then no 1. taupok
    wagawaga: keropok. Isn’t it something we eat as snack?
    fatfinger: haha, how about tofu.
    uncomposed: go eat lah.
    daniel: hey dan, like your blog too. very upfront. like your style of writing.
    anon: i know. tried using ad aware, but still there.
    zen|th: it’s every guys dream.
    jellygirl: u stalker u.
    soccersalvaged: thanks.
    starrily: wah, so your bro also a premier product hor.

    Reply
  • 20. cheeky  |  January 13, 2005 at 12:30 am

    snowystar: because i can’t think of anything funny to write.
    spired: yes, youngsters nowaday, very lucky. Got plenty of choices.

    Reply
  • 21. Fat Fingers  |  January 13, 2005 at 4:14 am

    I will introduce the taupok game in the office tomorrow. We will taupok Dick! muahahaha All 11 of us!

    Reply
  • 22. ah Boi  |  January 13, 2005 at 4:33 am

    yesh.. keropok is also those snacks tat we eat…

    Reply
  • 23. Xiaxue  |  January 13, 2005 at 8:54 am

    xiao si wo le!! ha ha …

    Reply
  • 24. FF  |  January 13, 2005 at 9:49 pm

    Goodness, I think that was funniest entry! Hahahah. Keep it up!!

    Reply
  • 25. littlecartnoodles  |  January 13, 2005 at 9:59 pm

    Ah Fatt … the sole voice of reason in that interview.

    Reply
  • 26. ei|een  |  January 15, 2005 at 2:01 am

    hahahaha! oh my goodness, this is damn farnee.. laugh until my stomach hurts.

    i love your blog. always makes me laugh. :)

    Reply
  • 27. cheeky  |  January 15, 2005 at 9:58 pm

    fingers: you go girl
    xiaxue:the queen has spoken
    eileen: thanks
    noodle:indeed
    ff: i will

    Reply
  • 28. -amanda-  |  February 23, 2005 at 9:01 pm

    this is so blooody stupid!!!

    but quite funny!

    Reply
  • 29. swissred  |  October 3, 2005 at 7:40 am

    Really interesting adware post. I’m the webmaster of an adware free spy website, feel free to grab info from there for your next posts.

    Reply
  • 30. Jane  |  March 7, 2007 at 4:17 am

    Wahahaha @ that “Spongebob Squarepants cartoons” link!

    Reply

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