Buaya 101

October 6, 2004 at 7:56 pm 1 comment

Have you people ever met a buaya? What do you mean you have no idea what a buaya is? Dear dear, young lady if you don’t have a clue what’s a buaya, I suggest you spend the next couple of minutes reading the following, it will be beneficial to your well being. According to talkingcock.com, buaya is Malay for “crocodile”. Means “lothario” or wolf, i.e. sleazy pick-up artist. May also be used as a verb..

According to cheeky, there are 3 categories of buaya. (A) The mildly irritating buaya, (B) the very irritating buaya, (C) the irritating but you dun have a clue that he’s being irritating buaya (cheeky is trying hard to reach this category). Sad to say, most often we encounter alot of (B) in our daily lives. And sad to say, cheeky happened to meet one recently. I must add that this particular type (B) buaya is a big, thought and sight provoking species. You see, cheeky and co. were having a chill out at a cafe, when one of cheeky’s acquaintance brought along a friend. Cheeky did a scan on the friend, lets call him R, and knew instinctly he’s a type (B) buaya (because he got a face most people want to slap/punch/spit/stomp). You know, beady eyes, fat pudgy cheeks and that smirk on his face. To educate everyone on buayaism, we shall take a look at the following classic case study on how a buaya conduct himself and we shall dissect and analyze his every move.

To start off, R was clad in designer wears from head to toe coupled with an oakley sunglasses, earrings etc.
buaya 101: R in this case clearly believe he’s the oriental David Beckham. In fact all type (B) buayas think they are David Beckham
R then did a scan on cheeky’s friends
buaya 101: a standard procedure for all buayas
R politely introduced himself and refrain from speaking too much
buaya 101: a very skilled buaya indeed. R is taking the gentleman approach, A very sneaky fellow.
R began cutting in on some of our conversations
buaya 101: when a buaya senses that the chicks are ignoring him or when he thinks his demure gentleman manner is not working to his advantage, a buaya will not hesitate to make a move, any types of move
R began lending his ‘expert’ view on every topics. By now he’s ignoring all the guys in his vicinity and concentrating on the gals. He started talking about his various life experiences and very ‘modestly’ recounted a few of his achievements.
buaya 101: a buaya will manveuver a conversation to his advantage. Often the conversation will lead to scant references of his achievement and deeds. And he will put on a very ‘modest’ front
After much conversing, one of the gal asked about his occupation. R replied that he is a photographer.
buaya 101: jobs in the creative/media sector are highly sought after by all buayas. These jobs score points with chicks
Being a buaya himself, cheeky sensed that R was exaggerating with regards to his job. Cheeky probed further and R finally revealed that he’s freelancing and he’s not employed at the moment. Cheeky asked a few more question on his works and R replied with one/ two words answers and then promptly excused himself as he went to the washroom.
buaya 101: a buaya has a keen sense of danger. When he feels that he is in a predicament, he will excuse himself and regroup his thoughts and strategies
R returned and a friend asked about having her photo taken by him. R smiled, closed his eyes, crossed his fingers and began ‘visualizing’ and explaining how he would take her photos.
buaya 101: you are witnessing the epitome of buayaism. What an awesome sight
After an agonizing chilling out session, cheeky and co. finally decided to go home and R without fail, handed out his namecards to everyone and bade farewell.
buaya 101: any self respecting buayas have a namecard with attractive sounding job titles. On R’s namecard, it read “professional photographer”

There you have it boys and girls. I hope that the above case study has been insightful for you on how a typical buaya operate and by now should have cultivate a keen awareness of buayas around you. However, if you feel that the above is not enough for you to truly understand buayaism, cheeky will like you to take a look at all freshmen orientations that are conducted in july and august every year. That’s when a whole bunch of buayas are finally unleash from their NS duties.
On another note, Cheeky and co. found out later that R is just an amateur photographer and has recently finished his 6 years contract with the army. What a loser.

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Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

Gold 90.5 PSLE trival

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. deja-voo  |  January 12, 2005 at 7:00 am

    ‘R returned and a friend asked about having her photo taken by him. R smiled, closed his eyes, crossed his fingers and began ‘visualizing’ and explaining how he would take her photos.’

    this is highly highly irritating.
    haha a friend pimped ur blog to me. its really good haha. your positive tone is delightful. needs no pimping at all hehe

    Reply

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