Lian Huay and Her Babblings

I simply is very devastated now. Just receive a sms from Michelle that my idol 瑋倫 has passed away. Why? Why is it in most accident, it’s always the passengers that got killed and not the cheebye driver responsible.

Seriously, I don’t think I will give a hoot if any of the mediacorp stars kena accident and got killed. They I don’t know lah maybe they are on a different level, a much low class level when compare to overseas celebrities. That’s why I dun feel for them.

Anyway, Michelle told me that life very unpredictable wan, we must always seize the day and live each one as if it’s our last. Yah seize the day. How many times have we heard this before. After Sept 11, after the Tsunami? People said then one week later forgot about it. They went back to toil their lives as robots again. I tell you, not anyone can just seize the day wan loh. Those who keep preaching it most often has very comfortable and ideal family background to begin with. Either they are sibeh rich or have no burdens in their lives. You think if I got a bedridden parent and mountain of bills to pay I can just go off and seize the day meh. Mai make me laugh lah. I remember watching this show on channel 8 about this man who gave up his rich job as a banker to do don’t know wat charity and travel shit becos he said he want to seize the day. Damn hao lian the asshole. he kept saying he dun understand why everyone like working like a robot everyday. Seize the day! Seize the day! He keep repeating. Fuck you lah botak. You like to seize so much seize your own dick lah. Imagine if everyone seize the day, do you think you can just go down Newton circus at 1 am and order a plate of kway teow to eat? No loh! Everyone is out seizing the day mah where got time to fry kway teow for you. Where got time to fly you to Vietnam to do your backpacking travel shit. Please lah stop your “I’m different from the rest” almighty attitude. The only thing differnt about him is that he’s much uglier than the average person. Serious dun believe go and catch the show. maybe got a repeat. I think it’s Tuesday report.

I very long time not this sad liao. The last time was when my Ah Pa passed away from cancer when i was 7. I remember I cry alot and my Ah Bu came over and said “Lian Huay, why don’t you write Ah Pa a letter and send it to him way up there but dun forget to stick a stamp ok.” and I gong gong believe my Ah Bu. But hor that expereince of writing to him did cheer me up a bit. I never thought as a 7 years old girl I can write so much loh but write I did, all 10 pages of it. Pretty amazing load of craps from a 7 years hor, dun you think?

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Yo瑋倫!

Hello 瑋倫, how are you?
How is it over your end?
Does it have white fluffy clouds and clear blue skies like they show it on TV?
Or does it resemble down here with rainbows, white beaches and beautiful flowers lining out
as far as the eyes can see?
If only I could grow a pair of angel wings and join you
as you fly past the many layers of clouds and cast your beautiful gaze down upon us
observing and spreading your love as you go along
Dun faze, dun fret, dun worry
cos we are okay
And maybe one day just maybe
we could link up and soar in formation
just like mother goose and her goslings

Lian Huay and Her Babblings

Lately alot of my colleague have been bringing their kids to the office. Dun know when this trend started but the strange thing I noticed is most of these kids are chap zeng. Neh just yesterday, Rachel Lim brought her 5 years old chap zeng daughter to show off in the office and parade her around two times. One for opening and one for ending.
One thing about her daughter is that she really takes after the mother very very well. She straight away siam all the brown black and yellow and go directly to manja with the whites even though all the whities give a loud moan when they see her come a running. But still a lot of the auntie colleagues kept praising her saying “wah so pretty leh, so cute leh” and Rachel pretend pretend said “no lah where got pretty. Very ugly lah haha.” Wah piang modest until so fake. If not pretty you think she dare to bring her into the office meh.
Actually cannot blame them, if my kids are chap zeng, I also bring them to the office to show off. But the zeng must be chap correctly first lah. Chinese + mat cannot. Chinese + africa also cannot. Chinese + blanga lagi obviously cannot lah. In fact anything asia +asia cannot becos asia + asia still asia wat, wat so special. No. Must be chinese + ang moh. Ang moh ugly never mind, becos somehow the kid they produce one way or another will look like baby Jin Chen Wu but with blond hair and blue eyes.

Some of my colleague after marrying an ang moh start to change in attitude, the way they speak also change. It’s like they change into another person loh. With more class and more powderful English. Like the last time I very good friend with this colleague of mine Samantha Poh. We were very good jie mei wan. We always go for lunch together and talk about channel 8 drama serial but hor after she mary one ang moh, she become another person. Her name suddenly change to Samantha Veronica Richardson. Richardson is her husband surname. Veronica? Dun know. Maybe her pet name for her cheebye? Hey hello, maybe really leh haha. She also suddenly speak with an accent liao. You imagine, 20 over years habit of speaking can disappear just by marrying an ang moh. Now when she talk to people she use “darling” a lot as in “Ooooo darling, could you be so kind as to bring me that file?” “Oooo darling would you mind if I cut in?”. Last time she will just say “Siam ah!”
I remember I was talking to her once about Jin Jin in one episode and instead of responding, she just stared at me with a sotong look and ask “who’s Jin Jin?” Who’s JIN JIN? Haha, who’s Jin Jin indeed. JIN JIN, her all time favourite person in Holland V that’s who and she still ask me who’s JIN JIN? Can you believe that bitch. And instead of eating zhi char now, she eat at spinelli every day. Instead of channel 8, it’s now Art Central. Instead of NTUC, now is Mark and Spencer. Instead of Laurier Fresh N Dry . . . eh I think it’s still Laurier Fresh N Dry hur hur. Anyway what I want to say is now cannot connect with her alreadi. She also dumping all her old khakis and getting herself new set of friends loh. All have 3 x names. Wendy Carrison Tan from HR, Joyce Elizabeth Chua from Marketing, Margaret Carolyn Ang from PR and the ultimate one, Candice Uma Nathania Tay from ad sales. Haha, dun know whether to call her Candice, Uma or just C.U.N.T.

I told my Ah Bu maybe one day I should marry an ang moh also, have chap zeng children and give myself 3 names. My Ah Bu look at me and say,” Lian Huay, our lives have been set from the moment we were born. Your Ah Bu me was born to be a hawker. You were born to be a good for nothing. Never pretend to be something you are not. You are what you are.” My Ah Bu, sometimes dun know whether to kiss her or to kill her.

Crossroad ( An Apple or a Creative?)

Happy belated New Year everyone. Unlike all you cool and happening assholes counting down to the New Year at some hip watering holes, limpeh did the countdown inside his toilet becos of diarrhoea. 5 *plop* 4 *plop* 3 *plop* 2 *plop plop* 1 . HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! *plop plop plop plop* Cheebye.

Anyway while doing my business, I have plenty of stinko time to reflect on the past year. 2006 has been a mix year for me, the negatives no doubt out numbered the postitives but there are still the very rare occasions that I am grateful of including the fact that I’m still well and alive (so are my loved ones).

As I eased out another from my anus, I mentally worked out an audit on my career, my future heck my whole life in my head. What has my life amounted to all these years, any potential growth left in it and if not what kind of restructuring is needed to plonk it back on the mainboard. The cynical analyst in me told me my life resembles a Creative stock, dormant, unspectacular and under performing. But the idealistic dreamer in me still believes in the off chance of it becoming a Blue-Chip Apple stock.

Whatever the case, I have set a goal and given myself 5 years to attain it. The end result may make me worse off than when I just started but at the very least the process itself, good or bad more than justify all the what ifs. What about you? Do you want to be an Apple or a Creative stock or are you already one?

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The Road Not Taken

by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

 

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

 

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.