Cheeky Times Launches “The Peasant”

With the successful launch of our superficial entertainment and lifestyle magazine, Cheeky Times follow up with something more intellectual this time round. “The Peasant”, a news and current affairs magazine aims to provide you with the same investigative reporting and thorough analysis that are our trademark by now. In this first issue, we focus on the issue of foreign talents, specifically permanent residents (PR). We compiled and compiled, contemplate and contemplate before finally selected and profiled 50 PRs aka ‘prospective Singaporean’ whom we think are the best among the craps that we have seen plentifully in this country so far and subjected them to the citizenship test.

Except:

1) Pick out the Singapore flag from the diagram below:

2) Who is this bloke?

a) His Excellency, The President of Singapore, SR Nathan
b) Mutu the prata seller
c) Just another bangla

3) Link the respective logos to their Party’s Name

4) What is Fiona Xie cup size?

a) C
b) D
c) E
d) I have to tease it, slurp it, fondle it, caress it, feel it, cup it, squeeze it, suck it, press my whole face into it before I can deduce the size

5) Would you let your sons serve NS?

a) Haha
b) Hahaha

6) What are they celebrating about?

a) Economy is doing well and unemployment rate is down
b) Team Singapore has amassed 8 golds at the recently concluded DOHA games
c) They are all getting a pay raise soon

7) Majulah Singapura was composed by:

a)
b)
c)

8) Who are the Members of Parliaments for Aljunied GRC

a)

b)

c)

Cheeky Times Launches WAH LAU!

Cheeky Times is pleased to announce the launch of our first entertainment and lifestyle magazine WAH LAU! For our inaugural issue, we speak to the Singapore Idol himself, an interview that almost never happened!

Excerpt:

WAH LAU!: Thanks for joining us today.
Hady Mirza: It’s my pleasure.
WAH LAU!: So tell us Taufik, what can we expect from your second album.
Hady Mirza: I’m not Taufik.
WAH LAU!: HAH?
Hady Mirza: I’m not Taufik. I’m Hady Mirza
WAH LAU!: *Siao Liao*

Plus shocking relevation from the King of Caldecot Hill concerning his driving accident.
And our editors tried out all 36 chapters of the Karma Sutra and live to tell the tales.
We also have 25 copies of Taufik Joakim Hady Mirza’s album to be given away free!
Get your first issue of WAH LAU! at all leading newsstands while stocks last!

Encik Tan Has Something To Say

Today Limpeh got quite a shock when reading Pioneer becos appearing in the back story was one of the chao recruit I used to tekan. Wah the headline read “A-Star Soldier” somemore. Strange leh, but when under my charge the fucker never behave like one. Lim peh remember him becos he fucking lot of excuses and he bullshit alot. Kanninah, his bullshit knows no bound.

Yesterday is a dream, tomolo but a vision. Simi? Simi Lan Jiao? Now you get my idea when I told you he like to bullshit.
There’s more.

Q: What is your motivation in NS? What gives you the drive to push on and achieve what you have today?
Cpl Pan: If we set a goal, we just have to work doubly hard to achieve what we want. The strength to carry on doesn’t come from the physical strength but the indomitable will . . .

Is that so Corpral Pan? How come you never finished the 50 push-ups that I asked you to do?

Q: In what way have you benefitted from NS ?
Cpl Pan: I think NS has helped me in my personal development and character building. I have learnt important lesson in leadership, time management, prioritisation.

And how to chao keng.

Q: What kind of mindset did you adopt when you went into basic Military training (BMT)?
Cpl Pan: I went into BMT telling myself:” Ask not what Singapore can do for you but what you can do for Singapore.” I think it’s important to contribute and play an active role. if you don’t, then who will?

You can start contributing by doing the 50 pus-ups you owed me in Tekong cheebye!

Q: How did it feel to be choosen to be the CO’s personal assistant (PA) since it required a few rounds of selections and interviews?
Cpl Pan: It was not something out of the blue. it was a goal that I aimed for and an appointment that I wanted.

Hah. Like the way you aimed for only 216 for your board jump is it?

Q: Lastly, can you inspire your fellow NSFs with just one line?
Cpl Pan: Live each day as if it were your last and you’ll develop a keen respect for time, opportunity and creativity!

The way you siam guard duty and SOC, creativity indeed!

Book Recommendation: The Lost Blogs

Ever wonder how and what some of the most iconic personalities of our times like Jesus, Shakespeare or Newton would have written on their blogs if such existing technologies were to be available to them? Well this book answer that. It’s a totally fictional and humorous take on blogging with a wholly fresh and highly original perspective. Here’s an excerpt of a blog entry from a bloke who called himself Moses:

Moses moblogging the parting of the Red Sea:

“Without warning, God caused the waters to part for the people of Israel. I took a few pictures with my holy portable communication device, which includes a holy eye that can collect images which can be viewed here. The quality is not the best, but if you just feel one-half of the wonder that I felt – you will understand the feeling that swept the crowd. There’s a close up shot of me here waving at the Egyptians as they drowned in the rapidly filling sea. (You may not be able to fully see this in the pictures, that’s why I must mention that once we were all safely across, the waters began to fill back in. It was a glorious moment.)”