Eddy and his Boon Lay Gal

Like all love stories, it usually start with a horny guy. This one is no exception, more so when our protagonist is such a loser.

All his life, our dear Eddy has came into close physical contacts with only 2 women. His mom and his Miss piggy stuffed toy that he pestered his mom to buy when he was 2 years old. Yes I know, his horniness started from a very young age. So how on earth did he manage to snag a girl of such calibre and pedigree like Boon Lay gal? Frankly speaking, this narrator has no idea. But then, all love stories make no sense.

The chance meeting between Bon Lay gal and Eddy Neo took place at NTU campus during one memorable Tuesday afternoon. To be more specific, at Canteen B during one memorable Tuesday afternoon. Our dear Eddy was, as usual standing in line at his favourite fishball noodle stall when he caught a glimpse of a fresh face, doe eyed girl, with dyed brown hair tie up in a pony tail, decked in pink spaghetti top and khaki shorts (the label read Giordano) standing by the zhi char stall. She was Boon Lay gal.

Eddy Neo: Actually she was standing by the chicken rice stall.

Is it?

Eddy Neo: Yah.

Paiseh, but please don’t interrupt the narrator again. And so our Boon Lay girl was standing by the chicken rice stall when our dear Eddy caught sight of her. He was simply captivated.

Eddy Neo: It was love at first sight.

Whatever. Our dear Eddy spent the next 25 minutes stealing a peek every few seconds in between gulping down his meal. You should have seen his face, it was pathetic. Sauce was smeared all over his face, specs fogged with steam and a drool slowly forming at the corner of his mouth. Our dear Eddy at that point of time was seriously contemplating whether to approach her. But fortunately, it was all over before you knew it. Boon Lay gal simply walked off after finishing her lunch. Talk about anti-climax. Duh. But deep down, our dear Eddy knew he just has to get to know the gal on a deeper level (no sexual pun intended)

We all know actions speak way louder than words and one damn thing about losers is that fantasizing and talking are all they are good at. They simply lack the balls to chase after the girls of their dreams. Eddy knew this and had the good sense to enlist the help of a special person to help him gained the courage he needed from increasing the size of his balls. That person is none other than Kenny Sia.

Kenny Sia: Hi I’m Kenny. The “ Man with the biggest balls in Kuching”

Pretty bold statement. Although he will have to retract that claim if ever Cheeky was to move to Kuching. But chill Kenny, Cheeky is perfectly happy staying in Singapore, so you get to keep that title . . . . . for now. Hur hur.

Upon meeting Eddy and examining his testicles, Kenny got a big shock.

Kenny Sia: I can’t locate it. It…it…it’s not there.

What a dilemma. How do you increase the size of something when it’s not even there?

Kenny Sia: Beats me?

He’s kidding of course. He’s not called “The man with the biggest balls in Kuching” for nothing. Please tell our readers you are kidding.

Kenny Sia: I’m kidding.

That’s right. It may seem an impossible task to create something out of nothing but miracles do happen, especially in a love story. Through a series of acupunctures, traditional herbal tonics and a carefully followed diet plan, Kenny finally helped our dear Eddy gradually developed a pair of round thingy between his thighs.

Kenny Sia: It’s not big. That’s for sure. But at least he has something dangling there.

With new found balls came new found courage and thus began a journey that our dear Eddy will embarked on, a journey he will never regret, to capture the heart of his Boon Lay gal.

-To be continue, this time I promise-

P.S. Cheeky is not very happy with Mr Kenny Sia. How dare he crossed over from the causeway and hoodwinked all the chicks here. Nabeh. Who does he thinks he is. Let me tell ya something Kenny boy, all the hot chicks you have met here, stay here on this side of the border, ya hear me Kenny boy. Cheeky would have challenged you to a fight, but he is letting you go this time round, not because your biceps are twice the size of his, it’s just that Cheeky is nursing a broken toe nail. You are one lucky fellow.