Last post of the year

Suppose to end the year with a boh liao post and then the earthquake happened.
Decided to welcome 2005 with a poem instead.

P.S: Please don’t go Awwwwww here Awwwww there after reading it hor, cheeky is not use to it.

A POEM OF HOPE
Composed by a young girl in Belarus, Russia, near the site of the Chernobyl Nuclear Disaster Area.

One song can spark a moment,
One flower can wake the dream.
One tree can start a forest,
One bird can herald spring.
One smile begins a friendship,
One handclasp lifts a soul.
One star can guide a ship at sea,
One word can frame the goal.
One vote can change a nation,
One sunbeam lights a room,
One candle wipes out darkness,
One laugh will conquer gloom.
One step must start each journey,
One word must start each prayer.
One hope will raise our spirits,
One touch can show you care.
One voice can speak with wisdom,
One heart can know what’s true.
One life can make the difference.
You see, it’s up to YOU!

Nabeh, it’s that bitch Aunt Agony again

Dear Aunt Agony,

A few weeks ago, I was window shopping with my friends when I was stopped in my track by an elegant and stunning dress being displayed at the window. It was love at first sight, albeit an expensive one by my standard. The dress cost a whopping $1.2K, which is almost 3/4 of my pay. Nevertheless, I started forgoing my meals, scrimped and saved whatever available money I had to buy the dress. On the day of purchase, I happily went into the shop when lo and behold, I saw another beautiful and stylish dress next to my desired dress. Both look really great and cost the same amount of money and now I’m stumped. Oh Aunt Agony, I’m in a dilemma, which dress should I buy?

Yours Sincerely
Dolly

Dear Dolly,

Oh dear, oh my. It is indeed a dilemma. Aunt Agony truly empathize with your predicament. This is what you should do. Go to your kitchen and grab the table cloth. After that, find a good tailor to make a dress out of it. Not only is it cheap and durable, the fabric also match your personality perfectly, which I presume by the way, to be crap.

Yours Sincerely
Aunt Agony

A chat with ‘04 and ‘05

2004: Hi cheeky, a few more days from now, I’ll be out of your life. So how, have I been a good companion for you?
Cheeky: You sucks!!!
2004: Yo yo yo cool it dude. What’s seems to be the problem?
Cheeky: You are as forgettable as Mariah Carey in Glitters. As boring as most of the contestants in S’pore Idols and as lame as the piece of chicken chop that I had for lunch.
2004: Oh come on, there’s no need to be mean. I’m sure I had provided you with ample opportunities and memorable moments.
Cheeky: Nah, blank. Like my bank account
2004: You started a blog, didn’t you?
Cheeky: Yah, so?
2004: So, that’s a notable achievement.
Cheeky: Hahaha…I never laugh so hard. You made my day.
2004: Hey, stop being sarcastic man.
Cheeky: I’m not. Really. But you can make it up for me before you go.
2004: And what will that be?
Cheeky: Help me strike 4D.
2004: Man, you are such a materialistic bastard.
Cheeky: A materialistic and handsome bastard, thank you very much. Think of it this way, you’ll leave a favorable and lasting impression in my mind.
2004: Well, let me tell you this, smartass, it is as much your fault, as it is mine that you have no notable accomplishments. I can only do so much. I go with a clear conscience. You should be thankful that at least I keep your love ones well and healthy.
Cheeky: Ok, on that count, I do agree you are due for some credits. But overall, you still kind of sux.
2004: You know what? You are not worth me standing here listening to your insults and craps. I’m going to the white house, at least Georgie accorded me some appreciations and respect.
Cheeky: Good for you.
2005: Hello everyone.
2004: What the fuck are you doing here? You are not due for another 12 days.
2005: Oh you know. It’s kind of like a PR thingy. Working the ground, getting acquainted with various issues and so on before I take over.
Cheeky: I say, ‘05, you look great. Much better than your brother.
2005: You think so? Why thanks. Everyone said that, especially the politicians. Don’t know why.
Cheeky: In fact, I think you’ll do a much better job than your brother.
2004: Stop sucking up to my brother, you shameless scumbag.
2005: Yo relax bro, he just being nice.
2004: As if.
Cheeky: If you don’t mind me ’05, I like to introduce myself. I’m cheeky, NRIC S——-G. A good likable person with a kind soul currently residing in Singapore. Can do with a bit of luck in my career and maybe some understanding from the GF. Not forgetting to add that some moolah can go a long way in helping me to become a better person and directly contribute to the well being of my friends and family. Are you taking note of that ’05? Oh did I mention that you have an awesome butt and telegenic face, as well as an infectious personality that makes everyone warms up to you instantly. Haha.
2005: You really think so? Man, you are such a nice guy. You just make it into my list of top 100 favorite people of all time.
Cheeky: Oh is it? I don’t really hanker for such status. I mean seriously, I’m just speaking the truth.
2005: Haha… Let me assure you that you’ll be well taken care of while I’m in charge.
2004: Oh get real bro. He just an ass kisser. You are way smarter than that.
Cheeky: If speaking the truth makes me an ass kisser, so be it. I bear no grudges whatsoever.
2005: Chill it ’04. Shouldn’t you be visiting Saddam in his cell? Heard he’s cursing you left, right, center. Now hurry along now and pacify that big baby.
2004: Oh just fuck it ok. No one appreciates all the good work I have done. I’m going to Georgie. To hell with the lot of you.
Cheeky: Man, what a sore loser.
2005: Well. I must admit, he had a tough year.
Cheeky: Could you do me a favor?
2005: Shoot.
Cheeky: Tell him to go easy on me in his last 11 days, will ya?
2005: Consider it done, dude.

A very kinky toy

Does anyone know what this is?

Here are some comments by its users:

“It does the job very well. It has caused a couple snags here and there, but overall, it’s been great”.

“It works well as I expected. It’s tickling sometimes but no big problem so far”.

“Compact size and ease of handling. Can be quite painful though if you don’t have the basic skill to utilize it properly”.

“My boyfriend was simply delighted with it. Our relationship improved because of it”.

“Works well and is very quiet. Does the job that is required. Much more efficient than the old one that I used to have”.

“Good ergonomic design for the hand”.

“Size – it fits into places no others would attempt to go”.

“It is well constructed, easy to use, the right size to hold in the hand”.

It’s actually a nose hair trimmer. What were you thinking about, you perv. Don’t tell anyone you read this blog leh, cheeky don’t know you.

Yes, cheeky has decided to get one instead of using a tweezer to pluck or scissor to trim because he is a lazy bum. All you have to do is to stuff it inside your nostril, push a button and let the toy do its work.

Cheeky is also thinking of getting the industrial strength model for his friend. Years of neglects has led to massive overgrowth in the surrounding area. Sometimes the friend, in between talking, has to open his mouth to catch big gasp of air to substain his breathing. Poor fellow. Cheeky is really worried he might suddenly collapse due to suffocation.

So everyone, if you have friends with huge amount of disgusting nasal hair, get one of this as a x’mas present for him/her. They will be very thankful. It might just save his/her life.

A little adventure

Hi everyone, yes life has been pretty mundane lately, so much so cheeky has nothing to blog about. That’s why cheeky’s asking you for your opinions on what topic to blog about today. So lets see…….

Hands up if you want cheeky to blog about social issue.

Ooookay. How about politics?

What about sex?

Hahaha, you people darn horny hor. Anyway, Cheeky shall blog about a little adventure he and his friends embarked on at JB when he was just a 15 years old horny teenager.

It all started with a conversation with a few other horny classmates. (bear in mind that the internet was still not widely used when this story took place)

classmate A: wah lau, the police raided the porn shop near my house yesterday, now no more goodies to watch already. Sian lah.
classmate B: yah lor, now Singapore very hard to find porn vcds leh. I went Sim Lim last week, all closed shop already. How, I still got a few titles I wanna buy leh.
classmate C: aiyah, go JB lah, JB alot, somemore so cheap.
classmate A: then lets go this Saturday lah.
cheeky: you guys should be ashamed of yourself……… I’m so disgusted by your behavior.
classmate C: why leh?
cheeky: my vcds haven’t return me yet, dare to talk about buying more vcds.
classmate A: sorry lah, I return you tomorrow lah.
cheeky: that’s better. So Sat on boh?
classmate A, B and C: On nah.

And so cheeky and co. met up on Sat. and proceeded across the causeway with a spring in our steps. We took a cab upon reaching JB and instructed the driver to take us to City Plaza or is it Holiday plaza (cheeky not very sure). City/holiday plaza, if memories serve cheeky right, look a bit like Sim Lim, not too brightly lit with never ending stories of shops.

Our hormones started working in overdrive once we reached the place, because right before our very eyes, were rows and rows of shops selling porns. Hallelujah. We took a few silent minutes to thank God and proceeded on a shopping spree. Cheeky truly understand how women felt at that point of time. We wasted no time in scooping up the goodies like kids in a toy store. Every shop owners we patronized recognize us as singaporean even before we started to speak, don’t know why.

After we were satisfied with our haul, we went to buy 2 big tins of Kong Guan biscuits. We took out all the biscuits, stashed our stuff in the tin and then filled it up with the biscuits again. We were like pro man. After that, the real challenge began. How to get past the custom.

When we reached the Singapore custom, there were 3 policemen talking cock nearby. We decided to take our chance and calmly walked past them with hands carrying the Kong Guan biscuits (we had a toss of the coin to decide who got to carry the two tins, unfortunately cheeky was one of the two). Cheeky gave a salute to our president Wee Kim Wee’s portrait as we went by. Haha, it was meant to be a sarcastic gesture. We never knew the whole operation was going to be so smooth and we cursed ourselves for not buying more. We were long gone before the police even had the chance to scratch his balls. All this talks about stringent checks at the checkpoint were all a load of craps. 4 horny teenagers with 2 big suspicious tins of biscuits at the checkpoint and what did the police do? They smoked, talk cock and completely ignored us.

Anyway, we gleefully made our way to the MRT and count our blessing. Strange to say, we never made another trip across the causeway to make more purchase even though we were not caught. Maybe because we believed that we wouldn’t be so lucky everytime. On another note, cheeky’s mum asked him why he so guai, bought biscuits for the family when he reached home. Cheeky told her he was filial mah. Hahaha.

This is just another story from cheeky’s growing up years, very bor liao right. Haha, told you already, nothing much to blog mah.

Top 5 cities

Cheeky has been sending CVs to every god damn company in countries throughout the world. Haha, partly because cheeky wants to experience the buzz and adventures of living and working abroad, partly for fun. E-mail don’t need money one, just send loh, no harm what. By now, companies spanning 3/4 of the globe should have heard of a talent called cheeky, haha. Cheeky has compiled a list of the top 5 cities he wants to live and work in.

5. Sydney

The place is so laid-back, the chances of you getting hyper-tension is akin to cheeky being able to vote in the next general election. Not to mention, enjoying a few rounds of drinks with exile opposition members if they happen to pass by the city.

4. Vienna

The music capital of the world. People there can’t be too bad since their city has a label to live up to. Plus, it has everything of the good old charm of a typical European city.

3. Hong Kong

Woohooo. A very dynamic city. The most “goggled” country by expat wannabes.

2. Tokyo

Too much things to do here. Life never gets boring. Somemore a lot of babes. For a country of 120 millions, at least 2 out of ten must be a chio bu right.

1. New York

What can I say, she is the epitome of city living

Electric Dreams

Cheeky has been reminiscing about the past in the last few days. Don’t know why. Is it quarter life crisis……maybe. Anyway, cheeky was lying on the bed, thinking and day dreaming and then suddenly remembered this movie that cheeky had watched when he was still a little boy.

Has anyone watched this movie before. It’s a movie set in the 80’s with cheesy love songs and all things 80s. It’s a heart warming and funny movie that revolved around an unique love triangle that’s sure to tickle your funny bone and maybe shed a few tears as well.

Here’s a review of the movie from IMDb.

This upbeat love story features an architect named Miles who decides to modernize his life by buying a computer. Not knowing a thing about them he purchases the biggest most power system he can get ahold of, and wastes no time in having all sorts of accidents – dropping it, spilling wine on it, cross wiring it. All of which ends up causing something amazing to happen, the computer gains self-awareness! Using it’s word processor, speakers and microphone the computer learns to communicate with Miles and they become friends as he teaches it about life. Then a pretty chello player moves in next door and the shy Miles and super-intelligent but inexperienced computer conspire to get her to love Miles in the best tradition of Cyrano. After the computer and the woman start to share music together through the heating ducts the computer falls for the woman too. Soon man and machine are battling for who has the right to date her. In the end the computer concludes that it doesn’t have a chance with the woman and wishes the couple a happy life together. It arranges for it’s own destruction after it requests a musical tribute to the new couple on a local radio station. The film features wonderful music, animated dream sequences, and high comedy farce as the computer tries to compete with Miles.

There were a few scenes that captivated Cheeky, one was when the computer and Madeline did a duet of the musical piece Lover’s concerto, she using a cello and the computer, well its own software programs. Another was when the computer “killed” itself to fufil the love between Miles and Madeline. And last but not least the ending, when the song “Together in a Electric Dreams” was played and the whole city started dancing on their feet, giving you an exhilarating joy and feeling. Those of you who went to Zouk during mambo nights should find the song familiar. Credits must be given to the songs in the movie because they gave the movie an added dimension. Songs like “love is love” by culture club, “Electric Dreams” by P.P Arnold and of course the classic mentioned earlier by Human League with Philip Oakey. On and on, a charming movie with a bit of everything for everyone, and cheeky is sure some of you will get a little teary eyed after watching it. If you have not watch it, cheeky strongly recommend it.

Speaking efficiently

Years ago, no wait, months ago when cheeky was still studying in JC, we used to have mock debates during our GP lessons. On one particular debate, the topic was about foreign talent. Cheeky remembered this debate well because of a small incident. You see, one of cheeky’s classmates used the term Hongkies in one of his arguments, and coincidently, we had a classmate who’s from Hong Kong. So Mr Hongkies became agitated upon hearing it and started to verbally attack the classmate. The debate was disrupted and our GP tutor quickly asked for a closing statement from the 2 teams.

Chill Hongkies chill. Please do not blame us, it’s not our fault. It was never our intention to use derogatory term. Blame the government. The government has instill the values of efficiency on us from a very young age so much so that we began to incorporate it into our daily lives without us knowing, from the way we work to the way we speak. Why use 3 syllabus when 2 syllabus will do. Why string 20 words in a sentence when 2 words are enough to convey the same message. So to all foreign talents, when the next time you talk to us and we sounded rude, please don’t blame us, we are just trying to be efficient in the way we speak. What, you are not convinced. Well then let cheeky show you 2 examples to illustrate what speaking efficiently is all about.

Ang Moh scenario:
A waiter deliver a dish to a diner in a restaurant. The diner takes a look at the dish and say to the waiter.

Diner: It seems that you have brought me the wrong dish, my friend. I ordered a set meal not a sirloin steak.
Waiter: Oh dear, oh my. God bless her Majesty. I say, I have indeed made a mistake. Please accept my deepest apology sir. I will see to it that you get your set meal right away.
Diner: Hey, no problem at all. We all made mistakes at some point in our lives. God bless her Majesty.

The waiter went and returned with the correct dish.

Wah lau eh, Ang moh not only have long arms and legs, they also have very long tongues. Talk so much cock.

Singaporean scenario:
A waiter deliver a dish to a diner in a restaurant. The diner takes a look at the dish and say to the waiter.

Diner: Nahbeh.
Waiter: What!?
Diner: Wrong dish lah.
Waiter: Sorry lah.
The waiter went and returned with the correct dish.

Look at that everyone, efficiency at its best. Short and sharp. And what do we do with all the time we saved? We use it to queue for 4D, Toto and NDP tickets. We are really an efficient nation, don’t you think.