Cheeky is Back!

Yes, cheeky is back to post. Where did cheeky goes? Well things have not gone well in life so cheeky kind of float around aimlessly for a while. The situation is still not improving but to heck with all the problems.

On another note, to commemorate the recent media merger, cheeky has compiled a list of the crappiest crapbags mediaworks has signed as artistes during it’s 4 short years of existence. It’s about time they get rid of the deadwood

1. ‘Mr Woody’ Ix Shen. Should venture into kids programmes to hone his acting skills. Bananas in Pyjamas or Barney is a good start.
2. Cynthia Lee. Shouldn’t she be promoting beers in a coffeeshop somewhere.
3. ‘ Buck tooth’ Ericia Lee. Lets face it, she simply got no talent whatsoever. Make a great duo with no. 2 though if they can form a partnership in the above venture.
4. Evelyn Tan. Contrary to popular beliefs, guys don’t get turn on by her sweetness or cuteness ( she isn’t, to begin with). Not by a mile.
5. Bryan Wong. Arrogant and irritating fag. Enough said.
6. Ben Yeo. Same reason as no. 3.
7. A whole bunch of unknown signed at one go akin to a lelong transaction.
8. Ann Poh. Yah, I know you got coconuts, big deal.

P.s. To their credits, mediawork did produce some noteworthy programmes especially their travelogue programmes.

Down down down

I’m feeling down, down to the bottomless pit and are trying my darnest to climb out of it. It’s time to sit down and take stock of my life. Don’t worry, cheeky will be up and running again in no time. I hope.

Chickens and eggs

Cheeky and co. went for makan yesterday and was astonished to learn that a piece of lame slimy omelette cost a dollar. This is daylight robbery. Due to the birdflu, supply has been limited, as such cheeky would like to rally all chickens in singapore (except those from Geylang) to do your bit for the country and spit out more eggs. If it make you happy, I would go on the record to say that chicken come first instead of the egg. Now are you happy? Go ram up your productions and churn out more eggs.

Interview with Bush and Kerry

Reporter: Thank you sir for agreeing to this interview.
Bush: Ha ha no problem at all lad.
Reporter: First question first, what do think it’s your biggest achievement during your term in office?
Bush: My biggest achievement? Why I must say it’s that I got to kicked some Talibans’ ass and screwed Saddam. I also learned that Papa New Guinea is not a real person. Not that I bother much about it though.
Reporter: The media label you as intellectually-challenged. What do you say to that?

Long Pause

Reporter: The media label you as a dumbass. What do you say to that?
Bush: Oh haha, why don’t you say so earlier. What a showoff. Me a dumbass? That’s ridiculous. I have half a mind of suing them.
Reporter: The Iraq war. Was it a mistake?
Bush: You know, I ponder over this question often.
Bush suddenly jumps up and turns to Dick Cheney.
Yo Dick, Dick did you hear that, I used the word ‘ponder’. Call for a press conference will ya.
Reporter: Sir, can we get back to the question.
Bush: Hahaha, right right. As I was saying, I P-O-N-D-E-R over this question often. Nobody likes war but think of the gallons of oil damn it.
Reporter: Any plans to improve the economy?
Bush: I think that’s all for today lad. I’m getting giddy.
Reporter: Would you like to finish the question first sir?
Bush: No can’t do.
Reporter: Have you talk to Greenspan about the economy?
Bush: Look kid, there’s a limit to how many brain cells I could kill each day. Any number beyond that, I’ll go straight into a coma. So if you dun mind me, I like to excuse myself.
Reporter: Sir one last question, What’s your name?
Bush: My name? Ha ha, why it’s…….

Bush blanks out.

————————————————————————————-

Reporter: I’m glad to have you on board this interview Mr Kerry.
Kerry: Look smartass, I’m in a bad mood so you better don’t ask any questions that piss me off. You get it? Cut the crap and shoot.
Reporter: Ok. What’s your stand on the war?
Kerry: My stand on the war? Are you from Mars or something. I thought I made it very clear from the start. I’m against war. Totally against war.
Reporter: Why did you vote for the war in the Senate then?
Kerry: That’s because I didn’t know I was going to become a presidential candidate back then, you dumbass.
Reporter: The media view you as a flip flop kind of person with no consistent agenda. Any comments to that?
Kerry: You see this lovely slick hairdo of mine. Do you know how much effort and time goes into styling it every single morning? That’s what I call unwavering dedication and commitment to a cause, you nimwit.
Reporter: You have been criticised for having no significant achievements during your 20 years in the senate. Comments?
Kerry: You sure you don’t have any brain tumor or something? I could recommend a good doctor to you. My greatest achievement? I kissed everyone ass and made everyone happy. That’s why I managed to stay there for over 20 years, you piece of shit.
Reporter: Why do you think you are the right person to lead the nation?
Kerry: We pissed off too many countries and it takes a special kind of person to kiss all the asses around and mend the fences. I think my years in the senate and lips comes in handy.
Reporter: Thank you Mr Kerry for your time.
Kerry: Yeah yeah blah blah blah.

Cheeky’s open letter

Cheeky’s open letter to all librarians:

To begin with, I will like to state that there exist no personal vendetta against anyone. In fact, you guys have been doing a reasonably good job but then, there’s always rooms for improvement, lots of rooms since you are serving the public. As a regular user of the library, I will like to point out to you the following things that bugs me.

1. Can you stop paging for your roving staff every few minutes. If by the third time, your beloved roving staff are still not to be found, they are either making out in the toilet ( they should be done by the fifth time you page for them ) or they have rove off for makan.
2. You guys need to put a stop to all the mobile phones ringing incessantly in the library. Tell those towkays to switch their mobile phones to vibration mode and shaft it inside their pockets and tell them once someone called them, it’s the next best thing to having an orgasm. They will rush to stuff a dozen I tell you.
3. The last item that bugs me most is also the most disturbing. Someone has been tearing pages off my beloved FHM. Not one or two, but a whole series of them. Judging from the pages he had torn, I reckon this fellow to be an old hand and knew his taste very well because the pages featuring Madonna remained intact. It is not a good feeling to be lustily flipping the pages to Kylie’s and found out later that she’s not there. My morale and libido sunk like the Titanic. I share a special affinity with FHM because no other mags make my nose bleed like it does. Therefore I hope you can investigate and nab the perpetrator who committed this audacious crime.

I look forward to the improved environment and if you ever need feedback, you can find me lurking near the FHM section at the magazine corner.

P.S. Under any circumstances, priority should always be given to item no.3.

Yours sincerely

Cheeky